There’s been a lot of discussion over humanity and where we see it going. We’ve set our sights on Mars as a place to establish the next home for Earthlings, and I couldn’t be more excited by the idea. However, I also think other planets could eventually be in our realm of capabilities. What planet do you think would be awesome to live on?
Moonwalk On Mars
Dear Moonwalk On Mars,
So many planets, so little life in which to travel to them all. While I understand the logical reasons for choosing Mars as the next planet to sustain human life, I’ve never had the burning desire to visit an untamed, red, desolate desert. Frankly, I can visit one of those right here on the planet Earth.
And I wouldn’t have to put up with the hassle of missing my connecting flight on Saturn.
Let’s face it, airlines always manage to come up with clever reasons for making travelers fly past their destination, leading to the inevitable backtrack that eats up an entire day of vacation. Those tricky planetary rotations practically ensure that airlines fleece their space travelers. Not to mention, lost baggage would never, ever, make it back to you in your lifetime.
Though I bet your grandchildren would enjoy the time capsule when it finally arrives.
I think Pluto is being overlooked as a destination. While no longer technically a planet, I think we can all agree that dwarf planets deserve just as much love and attention as their bigger, uglier cousins. After all, I’m much smaller than the average English Bulldog and everyone just showers me with adoration. Surely Pluto merits at least a layover on the space route! Pluto also comes with a whole host of perks.
Time virtually stops when you arrive on Pluto.
It takes 248 Earth years for Pluto to make an orbit around the Sun. If you then apply that same method of marking time to life on Pluto, with a year equating to one trip around the sun and the average human life span being 80 years, you would live to be 19,840 years old. Imagine all of the fun you could cram into that amount of time! Though I do have to admit that keeping track of your age would become significantly more difficult, not to mention the size of the birthday cake necessary to hold all of those candles.
The nightlife is absolutely wild on Pluto.
With five moons, you could spend years looking up into the sky, seeing a completely different picture than every other night that came before it. Plus, one of those moons already shows promise as a vacation destination since it has the right ingredients to support life. Imagine hopping on a quick shuttle over to the moon for a nighttime snack! Though I’m sure the moon restaurants would set exorbitant prices since they have to ship their supplies in from Pluto.
You’ll never need to worry about wearing deodorant again.
Pluto is a paradise for those who hate to sweat. Hovering in the negative triple digits, no air conditioning will ever be deployed in this winter paradise. Not only will you save money on costly personal hygiene supplies, but you’ll be virtually assured that any time you need an iced beverage, it will be close by. Sure, you may need to resort to wearing 16 layers of thermal underwear, but that is a small cost to pay for your throat’s happiness!
Diets are absolutely forbidden on Pluto.
Let’s say the average human weighs 150 pounds. On Pluto, that same human would only weigh 12 pounds. That’s right, it’s not all of the nighttime moon snacking that is making us fat, it’s Earth. The easiest way to avoid having to starve yourself silly before swimsuit season is to move to Pluto. Which, by sheer coincidence, doesn’t even have a swimsuit season – unless you enjoy frostbite. So head on over to Pluto and enjoy as many plates of cookies you can get your hands on. The cookies will keep your belly happy, while the oven works to thaw your frozen toes.
Now that I’ve made a convincing argument for the merits of living on Pluto, I’m off to ensure the rest of the scientific world takes my recommendation under advisement.
I hope Elon Musk will take a chance on an English Bulldog leading his research team.
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