Dear Lola,

Why does round pizza come in a square box? I’ve seen square pizza, so I know it exists. I’ve also seen circle boxes, so those exist as well. A quick search of Google left me with the impression this is cost related, but that seems like an easy answer to a complex question. I know your brilliant mind will be able to do better.


Pizza Princess

A cartoon rendering of Lola running across a television screen with the phrase 'previously on Dear Lola... a ball was chased for hours.' TV Lola is chasing a ball.

Dear Pizza Princess,

First off, thank you for the pizza question. Italian sausage toppings are my favorite if you’re ever in the area and want to share with me! Second, in my experience The Google always goes after the easy answer because pondering the deeper meaning of society is very labor intensive.

I however, am up for a bit of a workout since I was recently fed.

Now let’s tackle the question you posed. Pizza is very possibly the most perfect food that has ever graced our faces. Ask anyone, they have all eaten and loved pizza. Perfectly chewy dough, slightly crisped on the bottom, with a tart sauce that is delicately balanced out by the creamiest cheese on Earth. One bite of it and you realize the obvious – pizza was invented in the heavens and gifted to us mere mortals.

The heavens never intended for us to have leftover pizza.

They also didn’t anticipate the world of the 21st century – takeout food on a Friday night after a rough week in the office. Therefore, it was up to the humans to devise a vessel to pack our pizza into for easy take away. Since humans knew they would never be able to match the mystical powers of pizza’s perfect roundness, they decided to come up with the square box concept. Never would a box maker feel bitter disappointment that his creation could not live up to the pizza that inhabited it. This square box also had an added benefit of allowing terrible pizza makers to craft less than perfect pizza rounds that could still fit in the box.

That’s an issue for another day.

I hope this has answered your question because I am drooling over dreams of pizza and must be off before the keyboard is damaged.


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