Dear Lola,

When I get sick my husband refuses to take care of me, claiming he is worried about catching whatever I have. I don’t need much, but some soup or tea would be delightful. Instead, I have to drag myself out of bed and make my own soup and tea, while my husband runs to another room and closes the door. This is beginning to bother me greatly because whenever my husband gets sick, he whines as loudly as possible until I take care of him. What can I do to show him that this street should run both ways?

Sick of the Selfishness

A cartoon rendering of Lola sitting in a bathtub with the phrase 'dispensing advice while playing with my bath duckies.'

Dear Sick of the Selfishness,

This question could not have come at a better time, as my Daddybeast was recently plagued by illness that saw him heaving his innards into the toilet. He was fine when we went to bed, but by the morning everything had turned against him. Never one to shirk my duties, I instantly set about making him feel better – and I made my Mommybeast help. Perhaps you should consider adopting a canine who will force your spouse to honor his marital vows.

I believe there is a line about ‘in sickness and in health’ when humans marry.

If adopting a canine is not a possibility, you’ll just have to teach your spouse a lesson he will never forget. Next time he becomes ill, be sure to stay outside of the bedroom. Close the door and let him moan for all his worth. He can get his own soup and tea! Should he become adventurous and leave the bedroom, be sure to flee to another room and close the door.

Give your husband all the care and attention that he gives to you – which is precisely none.

If your husband continues to moan and you feel yourself wanting to care for him to shut him up, grab your car keys and take yourself out of the house. I suggest you go to your favorite home decor store and lounge on their cozy chairs. You can read a book to pass the time! Then after picking yourself up some dinner on the way home, you can reenter the house and check for signs of life.

If your husband is still whining, try a pillow* over his face.


*Do NOT put a pillow over his face. It will kill him and that is against the law. It’s bad enough you had to listen to him moan about being sick, adding very expensive lawyer bills will just reduce your quality of life even more. Not to mention how crowded a prison cell is. Though, I bet you would get a bit more care from a prison nurse than you do your husband, so there is a bit of a silver lining** there after all.

**Seriously, don’t go with the pillow idea. Just sleep in another room for the night.

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