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Dear Lola,

The holidays are getting closer and it made me recall an incident from a party I attended last year. Our office hosted a party with catered trays of food. One of my coworkers was repeatedly dipping his bitten veggies into the dip that accompanied them. I waited until he walked away before going over to the table and discreetly removing the dip. I threw it in the trash to stop anyone else from eating it. When another worker questioned why I did that, I explained. They told me I was being neurotic and shouldn’t have thrown out the dip when I wasn’t the one who paid for it. What is the proper reaction when someone is so clearly contaminating the food that other people will eat?

Sincerely,
Panic at the Party

Advice for humans. They need all the help they can get.

Dear Panic at the Party,

I think I need to start this letter by clarifying that I am a canine who has been known to lick the floor when something tasty falls from human hands. I once even licked a public sidewalk because I thought an ant looked tasty. (It was not tasty and I regretted my actions for hours as the taste lingered on my tongue.) That being said, I had to excuse myself to vomit when I read what this partygoer did to the vegetable dip.

Now we know why the plague was so devastating – humans are revolting!

I cheered with joy when you wrote that you removed the contaminated food without a second thought. I also felt immense relief that you didn’t try to scrape off the top layer and keep the rest of the dip. We all know that vegetable monster, who tries to disguise himself as human, was sticking half eaten celery into the dip container until he hit the bottom.

The entire bowl was rife with bubonic bacteria.

Just when I was about to pronounce the human species as not quite beyond redemption, your fellow partygoer decided to object to you saving the entire office from the plague. Apparently, he or she feels that the only person who should be able to throw away food is the person who paid for it – which sounds rather obvious, if you were in someone’s home. However, it is another story entirely when in a large office setting where the food has been catered. While you track down your boss, another person could inadvertently be eating the dip.

This is how the zombie apocalypse begins!

You did the right thing by removing the dip immediately. You didn’t create a scene to embarrass someone, you merely handled a problem as it arose. Frankly, I think you may be ready to be a top manager at your workplace because you have the social skills that many people (including the coworker who called you neurotic) lack.

Would you consider running for President?!

♥Lola♥

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