Dear Lola,

As my kids head back to school, I find myself longing for the days of learning. I have a wonderful job in a field that I love, but I just feel like going back to school. I would take classes for pleasure, not with the purpose of earning a higher degree or changing jobs. I talked with my husband and he was adamant that I not do it. He thinks it will distract me from family life and lead to my becoming discontent with the career I have. What should I do? 

Learning in Leeds 

Advice for humans. They need all the help they can get.

Dear Learning in Leeds,

Well, I have to say, this seems like the most simplistic problem I’ve been handed yet. Go back to school.

Alright, the solution is never that simple, I know.

You want to attend school and your husband is adamant, your word not mine, that you not do it. Adamant. I can only think of a few reasons a husband would be adamant their wife not do something. One, it would stretch the family finances to uncomfortable lengths. Two, the time needed for the activity is unreasonable, leaving Miniature Humans and adorable four-legged pets to starve. Three, your husband is insecure. One might also call him ‘un mari égoïste.’

That’s French for a selfish husband. I used The Google to make it sophisticated.

I would imagine if finances were the issue, you would have mentioned that. I factored in that you want to learn for fun, which means you wouldn’t prioritize multiple expensive classes in a single semester. I also reasoned that you would not actually allow pets and Mini Humans to starve while you recite poetry and snap your fingers at a coffeehouse. Those people don’t write in for advice, they create monologues on the topic. Which leaves us with a selfish or insecure husband. I cannot answer which he is, only you can do that. Only you know if you met your husband in college and married immediately, leaving him to worry that you could possibly leave him for another college stud – this one a decade younger in years!

If that is his worry, you’ll have a much bigger discussion on your hands.

I’m actually hoping your husband is having a selfish moment. Maybe he’s adamant about you not going to school because it means he will have to pick up the slack while you enjoy an activity. I cannot deduce any other reason for his firm denial – except that he may be jealous because he’s always wanted to take a modern dance class but he thought you would say no.

Now that’s a conversation to have!


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36 replies on “Dear Lola – Learning in Leeds…

  1. Hmm…sure sounds like there needs to be at least one more conversation about this to get to the root of her husband’s strong feelings. There are SO MANY ways to get more education that need not be too intrusive.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good advice! The only real reason I could think of for not going back to school would be if it was going to be too expensive. If money is not an issue, then taking a course for pleasure can only be a good thing, surely? #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think he’s either got a unitard hidden in his wardrobe that he’s been longing to wear or perhaps you just beat him to the whole ‘Well, I’m actually a student again, I’m studying just for fun’ thing and now he doesn’t know how to appear interesting at dinner parties? #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oooh yes! Maybe the husband secretly wanted to par take in a line dancing class – but pipped at the post he’ll have to cancel to ensure miniature humans and furries get to bed on time – if the misses goes back to school that is. Line dancing or taking care of said little people. Which would he choose?! 😉 #DreamTeam x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Absolutely go back to school! And in my opinion your husband should be supporting any new activities you wish to pursue that will make you happy. I would definitely not let his negativity stop me so I say go for it. Learning is always good, it helps to keep the cogs turning in our brains. I’ve recently signed up for a six month German language course because I’ve always wanted to learn it. Excellent advice Lola – go forth and learn!! #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

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