Dear Lola,

I am getting married at the end of the year to a wonderful man that I have known for years. I also know the ex-wife, as we were all part of the same friend group. My fiancé and the ex have no children together and the divorce was amicable. The ex-wife has never shown any animosity towards us and she left the social group shortly after my fiancé and I got together. Recently I have been thinking about the surname I am about to adopt, and I’m wondering if I can approach the ex-wife to request that she change back to her maiden name. We live in a small area and my fiancé is a prominent person whose last name carries considerable weight. I think it will be confusing to have two Mrs. running around with the same name. How can I do this tactfully so as not to offend the ex-wife?

Mrs. Moniker

Advice for humans. They need all the help they can get.

Dear Mrs. Moniker,

Have you taken tango lessons? I feel like you are dancing around the real story in order to craft a magical fairy tale. While fairy tales are great for small children, they have one common theme in them.

An ‘evil’ person who seeks out revenge or retribution.

Through careful reading of your letter, I think I can deduce that this love story is quite complicated. A friend group, a man and a woman, a divorce – seemingly amicable, but one party is prominent and the other is… not. Take care to recognize that amicable is not the same as wary, should the prince not be placated. Lastly, a cast-off lady, isolated and without the friend group which she’s relied on for years.

Sounds like the fairy tale plot twist is rapidly approaching.

The evil person is not the ex-wife, but the new woman who has replaced her! Gasp. Ooh. Aha. The plot twist you didn’t see coming. 

You have already replaced the woman in the spot she envisioned to be hers for the entirety of her adult life. She has quietly receded to the background and allowed you to move into that place and claim your title of Mrs. Moniker. Now you want to request she give up the one last thing that she has?

The evil queen is happily carrying on with her life, oblivious to your machinations.

I recommend you focus on the great things coming your way and let this issue go. Eventually the ex, as you so lovingly refer to your previous friend, will meet someone new and take their name. Or not. That isn’t your concern. Focus on your fairy tale come to life.

Then hope they cancel the sequel – in which a new damsel is in need of your prince to rescue her.


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47 replies on “Dear Lola – That’s Mrs. Moniker to you…

  1. OOOH! I hadn’t thought about it more than ‘are you nuts? you can’t ask the ex to do anything!!’. But yes, 100% your version – and love the tango accusation! Ha! Good post! #Dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know a lot of people who have gotten divorced and kept the name even if they didn’t have kids. They just didn’t want to have to do all of the work to change their ID cards and Social Security card.


    1. He obviously didn’t care if she kept the name, which is why the new wife shouldn’t care either. Heck, Google any name and you’ll find 14 other people with an identical one.


  2. Lola has obviously been around the world and is of course, well read. She is a true champ. This could have thrown her for a loop — but no – she was ready and Shazam! She is spot on! Go Girrrrl! #dreamteam xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would advise the exact same thing. Why would she even contemplate asking her to do that? If I was asked that as the ex I would be mad! #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

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