Dear Lola,
Wedding season is coming and I am dreading it more than the thought of growing old and dying alone. I in my late twenties and as all my friends began tying the knot, I’ve found myself wondering how seemingly normal people think it’s okay to badger a fellow wedding guest about their marital status, or lack thereof in my case. I went to six weddings last spring and summer and at every single one of them I was grilled by strangers as to the lack of ring on my finger. I would love to blame it on older people who just need a topic to converse on, but these people are all of a similar age to me. What’s a good way to handle this situation in the future? I have four weddings to go to within the next three months and I worry about my liver’s ability to process the liquor needed for the inquisition.
Sincerely,
Stunned Spinster
Dear Stunned Spinster,
Wow! You are almost thirty and still unmarried.
How many bottles of sour grapes have been consumed as you cry yourself to sleep on a Saturday night?
I hate to tell you this, but the prime of your life passed you by and you missed all the great things about it. You didn’t get to meet your mother-in-law and have an epic showdown over who is now the most important person in a certain man’s life. You didn’t get to have a nervous breakdown during financial counseling as you learned how to squash two people’s luxury needs and instead pay a mortgage on a crappy little starter house. You didn’t get to learn that your spouse is possibly the stupidest person on the planet because he breathes in a manner that you find offensive when you are in the middle of a great episode of your favorite show. You didn’t even get to negotiate the thermostat settings with a deranged spouse who loves heat like it’s a freebie handed out by the utility company.
Hmmmm, what point was I supposed to be making?!
Oh yes, that these wedding guests you’ve encountered have all drank the marital Kool-Aid and now they want to sucker you into their misery because we all know it loves company.
FYI, those Kool-Aid drinkers all died.
Let’s be brutally honest for a moment. Getting married young has its upsides and its downsides. Getting married when you’ve lived a bit of life has the same two sides. The only thing I can guarantee you is this – marrying someone for the sake of marrying is a recipe for disaster. I’m so glad you didn’t choose this path because I have a feeling you would be writing me a letter asking if murder is wrong when your spouse has ruined the ending of a movie you waited months to see.
Short answer, he totally had it coming and you will need a lawyer!
Now let’s turn to the actual task at hand, which is to save your liver from a lethal dose of sour grapes. What should you say to the nosy people at the weddings this year? Simple. Tell them you’re just waiting for your ‘people’ to arrive on planet and then you’ll quickly get to the task of spawning new beings. (You must use air quotes when you say people, it’s crucial to the plan’s success.)
Wedding revelers will walk away as fast as they can manage in their fancy shoes.
Your liver is now safe from harm and I do hope your ‘people’ will consider the English bulldog as the most treasured companion once you’ve taken over the planet.
♥Lola♥
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Shank You Very Much 
Thank you for your sales pitch on marital happiness there, Lola! Hehe #GlobalBlogging
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Lola likes to keep it real!
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The best course is to answer with a little humour, or you could try Bridget Jones’ response: “underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales”
#DreamTeam
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That response would work well!
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Tell them that you are married to God and don’t smile or say anything else. #Triumphanttales
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I would love to see their faces!
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Haha, Lola you are hilarious!! #DreamTeam
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Thank you!
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I would suggest Licking their forehead as the shock usually silences them but I appreciate Lola’s slightly more subtle approach.
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Licking their forehead should definitely be option B if they still persist in discussing it!
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I’ll never see marriage in quite the same light again! A fun take on the situation #DreamTeam
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Marriage is pretty fun but it is occasionally warfare. I thought it best we teach these unmarried people that it can get messy
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It never ceases to amaze me. The things people feel free to say…
I used to run into the same kind of boorish behavior before I was married. Fortunately, you have come to Lola for wisdom.
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I think we need to have deportment classes again because it seems to me that people have forgotten how to act appropriately with their fellow humans. I never took deportment, but it sounds fun.
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I am fan of marriage to be honest, seems more like a consumerism thing then anything else X #dreamteam
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alternatively one could just make for the dancefloor and leave all those nosy people behind. alternatively more drink will help too 🙂 #dreamteam
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And it doesn’t end there….if you do ever get married, people will then be asking you when are you going to have kids, then when you do have a child they’ll ask when are you having another one and if you have two boys they have to ask are you going to try for a girl etc etc etc. So maybe you could tell Stunned Spinster that she needs to prepare that people just ask endless sill questions. Hahaha! #DreamTeam
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Ugh. I would go crazy! I can honestly say that I’ve never been asked when I’m going to have children.
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Funny and wise! That’s Lola! 🙂 #dreamteam
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People should mind their business and think about what they say…. It is annoying when people ask too many questions #DreamTeam
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Yeah, unless you know somebody really well you could be risking a major breakdown by asking the wrong person the wrong question. It’s best to stick to the weather, profession, favorite food…
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I say drink so much that they avoid a conversation with you, that should make the day more bareable hehe! #dreamteam
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But so dangerous for the liver if her social group is large 😆
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Change the topic.-LOL. That always works and people get the idea. #dreamteam
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I find it much more satisfying to mess with the minds of nosy people. 🤣
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Well I think it’s a toss up between these two possible replies – (1) because I haven’t totally lost my mind yet or (2) because IT’S NONE OF YOUR EFFING BUSINESS!!” . To me either response would be very fitting. I don’t know why so many people think that private matters are their public property #dreamteam
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I love your response! Because I’m waiting for “my people” to arrive on the planet. I love the idea of making people think I’m an alien lol! I have gotten the question when will I re-marry? Ummm…. How about never? That works for me. I have also gotten, recently in fact from my ex-mother in law who suggested I get back together with her son if only for a brief period to make another baby because she wants another grand child. The nerve! Next time I have to incorporate the alien thing. I just find that endlessly entertaining to see the looks on the faces of people asking stupid questions 😂 #AnythingGoes
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I think the alien thing is just weird enough to keep people walking away. And I hope you told your ex mother-in-law to stick it where the sun don’t shine 🤣
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Haha not in so many words but yeah 🤣
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Love it! Especially the bit about not getting to learn that your spouse breathes in a manner that you find offensive when you are in the middle of a great episode of your favorite show! *Snorts with laughter. You don’t know what you are missing stunned spinster 😉 #DreamTeam
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Lola and Heather need a podcast. #dreamteam
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We’ve been told that, but we’ve never managed to take the plunge.
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Dear Lola, you have offered much sound advice over the years but this is by far the most useful yet. Sincerely, B (25 years happily unmarried and still not quite ready to commit) #dreamteam
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It’s a big commitment, and making it before you are absolutely ready is just a recipe for misery. I’m convinced the reason the divorce rate is so high in my country is because people think after a certain period of time dating that they should be married.
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This is the first summer in yonks we don’t have any weddings at all – a sign of my age I think! #DreamTeam
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maybe aging isn’t so bad after all! 🤣
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