Dear Lola,

In a few weeks I will be undergoing gastric bypass surgery. This is a very extreme method of weight loss, but it’s critical for me due to some health issues that have popped up because of my weight. I’m struggling right now with the question of how to maintain my privacy in regards to my family, who all live close to me. I know that I will be losing weight very quickly and unable to eat regular meals, a fact they will surely notice, but I do not want to have this issue become the focal point of our weekly get-togethers. How should I handle all the prying questions?

Healthy in Honolulu

Advice for humans. They need all the help they can get.

Dear Healthy in Honolulu,

First, let me commend you on your hometown, my Mommybeast is from the island also! From what I understand, food is a very big way of life on the beautiful islands of Hawai’i. You also have a large ‘ohana (family) that you see often, which sounds lovely in terms of a support system as you embark on your weight loss journey. I do have a recommendation for you.

Tell your family what is happening.

At the next gathering, sit them all down and explain what choice you’ve made. Let them ask you questions, because they will have them. People who love you will want to do their best to support you, and no where in your letter did you indicate your family was awful. This leads me to believe they will want to help you.

You will not be able to eat what everyone else is having. Since family meals are for the whole family, they will want to be sure that something is there for you to enjoy. Even if it’s only a few spoonfuls of food, imagine how awful they will feel if you cannot partake of anything.

You are robbing your family of their ability to support you.

I’m guessing that some of this hiding is due to embarrassment and stigma. Sometimes people think surgery is the ‘easy way’ to diet. I don’t know about you, but having my stomach cut open is not my idea of easy. You are drastically changing your entire lifestyle in an effort to become healthy. Make sure your family focuses on that. If you are worried that your family may try to talk you out of the decision you’ve made, talk to a few close confidants first. Have them help you address the entire group so that you don’t feel cornered or alone.

You are awesome, you are worth it, and you are going to kick ass!

Now here’s where I leave you with my final note. I hope that your surgery goes well and that you achieve everything in this life that you want. Bring your family and friends on the journey with you, that’s what life is all about!


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46 replies on “Dear Lola – Healthy in Honolulu…

    1. They may not notice her lack of appetite, but they are going to notice that she’s losing exorbitant amounts of weight. They will ask questions and it’s best to just let everybody know so they’re not all commenting on it every time she turns around.


    1. I agree, especially in such a big situation like this where it will impact the people around you. I’ve had several friends have the surgery done, and they all had a difficult time in large gatherings where food was the main event. Support is critical.


  1. Pretty good advice Lola. By the way in wearing a dog shirt today. You must look on IG. Thanks for the link up Heather and love to see you and you Lola, on Muttonstyle Monday

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wise words as always Lola !! Something as huge as this honesty has to be the best policy and support and love going through something like this may be a help! #globalblogging

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Great advice from Lola. Honesty is definitely the way forward – if things are out in the open, then there won’t be the whisperings about it, and if you lose weight really quickly with no explanation, family members will most likely be worried
    P.S. Thanks for hosting!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know I would be worried if somebody lost a lot of weight and was refusing to speak about it. I don’t think you have to tell everybody your life story, but family that you interact with every week should definitely be alerted.


  4. Lola, once again, I agree with your answer. Your family will definitely notice the change in your eating habits and the weight loss. They should have the opportunity to give you their love ans support. It’s what families do. Usually.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lola, how about if the family is just really opinionated and insists that everyone take on their opinions? I could see this being an issue in this scenario. #GlobalBlogging

    Liked by 2 people

    1. In that case it would be better to hold her own counsel. But nothing in the letter indicated that her family was overly judgmental or critical of her life decisions, so Lola thinks honesty is the best policy for this situation.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think sometimes people are worried about being criticized, especially if they suffer from self-esteem issues relating to weight. But the conversation needs to be had because going through life all alone sounds like a terrible plan.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. You’re right Lola, Healthy in Honolulu must explain what is going on because it really is too hard to hide but at the same time I understand their perspective as I have a family too that are constantly bombarding with prying questions (that is if you actually tell them anything!), so I would probably instinctively react in the same way. I would want to keep it a secret. But that just isn’t possible. The only thing he/she can do is set down some ground rules that just because this is happening doesn’t mean that they all have to talk about it all of the time! However you are right, Healthy might find that sharing the journey could turn out to be a good thing and something they won’t regret. People can surprise you sometimes! #globalblogging

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I think being honest is the best way to go, but I really think you should tell people it is something you are doing and you do not wish to have a constantt commentary on the matter, it’ll be hard enough without it being the only topic of conversation #globalblogging

    Liked by 2 people

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