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Today we’re talking about cake. I know some of you may feel this topic has been discussed enough – but that’s only because you’ve obviously experienced an emotional trauma that has rendered you temporarily senseless.

There is never enough cake in this world.

A close up picture of a slice of cake with the caption

I’ve compiled a list of six reasons you should love cake, and three reasons not to. I did weeks of research to compile this list, scouring cake websites that left me drooling. Alright, I’ll admit it, I didn’t actually do any research – I was much too busy eating cake to look at it online. I did, however, think very hard about what I should write on this list as I forked cake at record speeds.

6 Reasons to Love Cake

  • There is a cake for every time of the day. Breakfast cakes, lunch cakes, dinner cakes, tea cakes – see where I’m going with this?!
  • Cake can fill the void in your life left by shitty people. You know who those shitty people are, but you no longer care because cake is your new friend.
  • Every birthday is an experiment in how many candles a cake can hold before it collapses. Look at that, we’ve incorporated science into cake!
  • There is an endless number of cake flavors so you never get bored. Don’t believe me? I’ve seen cilantro cake. For the record, it was disgusting.
  • When cake is paired up with its best friend ice cream, you can dance across your living room without your feet ever touching the ground.
  • Even the ugliest cake can be made to look pretty with the addition of sprinkles. Sprinkles dazzle the mind and leave people with the impression you belong on a baking show.

3 Reasons Not to Love Cake

  • You’ve recently had a stomach illness and cake came out the wrong end. Take a day to recover, the cake will be waiting for you to try again.
  • You were a judge on a cake baking show comprised of amateur bakers who were overconfident in their baking skills. Raw cake does not taste good, we understand your hesitation to try another slice.
  • You are a robot and cannot process any liquids or solids.

Now I’m off to enjoy a slice of my newest creation so I’ll leave you with this friendly word of caution.

A text card that says 'my mother raised me right, but if you touch my cake... I will shank you.'

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: