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Dear Lola,

I know that my question may sound simple, but it has plagued me for years. Why is there a light in the refrigerator but not in the freezer? I want to see what I am picking out, instead of feeling around and hoping I find something delicious.

Danger in the Dark

Dear Lola

Dear Danger in the Dark,

I love it when someone writes in with an easy question. Not that it is easy for a human to answer, or you wouldn’t have needed me – but for dogs this comes down to a very simple reason.

Food doesn’t count if you can’t see it before it hits your mouth.

Have you ever wondered why dogs catch their treats in midair? It’s so we can claim we didn’t have anything at all since breakfast and must be given more. Think of all those nights you search in your freezer, shifting through frozen vegetables in order to find the ice cream. Instead of feeling guilty for eating the empty calories, you can claim that you really wanted broccoli, but could only find the ice cream due to the dark.

And obviously, due to your being so environmentally conscious, you couldn’t waste the electricity to reopen the freezer and return the ice cream carton. Think of the unicorns and their shrinking habitats! Every minute of electricity you waste is like committing an act of murder.  No, you did the only morally justifiable thing you could think of – you ate the ice cream.

For the unicorns.

An angry, chubby, rainbow unicorn sitting down with the phrase 'made with genuine unicorn tears' under him.


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