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Dear Lola,

I love my husband, but he has one terrible fault that makes me want to lash out at him like a shrieking harpy. He has this insane need to be proven right all the time – and then he gloats for weeks about his intellectual prowess. It has gotten so bad that I found myself in a ridiculous predicament during our most recent argument. In the middle of arguing, I realized that my husband was actually correct. However, because I could not bear to hear him crow about his victory for the next year, I decided to continue the argument until dear husband walked away to watch his football team. He walked away thinking he was wrong and I have not corrected him because it’s nothing that can be proven – unless my 6 month old daughter suddenly develops language. I know it was wrong, but what else could I do?

Shrieking Harpy

Dear Lola

Dear Shrieking Harpy,

Well, well, well. You have indeed got yourself into quite a situation at home. A husband who must be right, argues until his opponent gives up, and then rubs the loser’s face in their defeat. I bet he has a lot of friends just waiting to hang out with him on the weekends.

Then you have a wife who continues an argument well past the point that she knows she is wrong. Someone who has obviously allowed her husband to run roughshod over her enough times that she decides to take a final stand – at the most inopportune time she could find!

Finally, a tiny baby who is hopefully taking notes on how not to interact with her fellow humans. Or at least learning how to win everything in any situation. I sense she may lean towards becoming a lawyer, maybe a family counselor, depending on how you turn this situation around.

I have a solution that may seem unorthodox, but I think it can work.

Send your husband into the military. My Daddybeast is in the Navy and just when it seems like he and the Mommybeast are about to kill each other, off he goes to defend the country. Within a few days of his departure, my Mommybeast is fondly wishing for his return and all his faults have been conveniently forgotten. How she forgets that he leaves his socks on the floor is beyond me – but to each her own!

Now, if pressing your husband into military service doesn’t seem like a viable option, I do have an alternative. I recommend a weekend away. Not you and your husband, frankly I think that might just end up with both of you insisting the sky is any color but blue. I think you each need a weekend to yourselves. Find some friends and go away for a weekend. Get a hotel room and sit by yourself for two days. Eat room service, live in a bathrobe, watch trashy reality television.

Nothing restores your love for a spouse like watching dysfunctional people on television.

I would also like to offer some advice for the next argument, because there will be one. When your husband gloats over a victory, serve him a meal with ghost peppers. That should shut him up long enough to allow you peace – and time to book a nice spa weekend for yourself and a girlfriend!


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