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Dear Lola,

I have always wondered why honey comes in a bottle shaped like a bear. I understand that bears love honey, but they aren’t selling this honey in a bear shaped bottle to a bear in the woods. Why don’t they put honey in a bottle shaped like a bee? It just makes no sense that they want me to buy a product by telling me that bears like it. Bears also like to eat live salmon but you don’t see companies promoting that method of eating fish!

Sincerely,
I Am Not An Animal

Dear Lola

Dear I Am Not An Animal,

This is definitely a question worth pondering. Dogs love bacon, how come they don’t sell bacon with puppy pictures on them? Of course, because bacon comes from pigs! Selling honey by telling a human that bears like it is equally as ridiculous. I applaud you for questioning why humans have been conned by this advertising technique for over 60 years.

It would have never taken dogs this long to question the marketing strategy of honey.

I’ve done a complete review of the honey bee and I’ve come to a solid conclusion. Humans are terrified of bees. Bees are capable of felling a big human with just the tiny needle on their butt. Bees are also capable of decimating the entire planet by taking a sick day and not pollinating the plants. Lastly, bees wear a frightening outfit -they are striped, which isn’t the cutest look on an animal.

Aside from the zebra, striped animals are usually pretty vicious – think tigers, tabby cats, chipmunks, wooly bear caterpillar…you see where I’m going with this? And never forget the striped marlin, a fish with a sword on its face that develops more stripes after it dies. After! Frightening.

In order to sell honey it must be packaged in a way that won’t scare off the humans. A stinger on the bottle of a product is likely to sit on shelves for a very long while. Thus, the bear honey bottle was developed. Bears are cute, fluffy, have soulful eyes like a puppy, and waddle when they run.

They also have vicious teeth and claws that could tear a human in two, but all of that is a moot point when fluffy fur and big eyes come into play. Plus, that Paddington bear in a raincoat did a real service to the bear population. Come on, he was in a raincoat for crying out loud!

Humans love an animal in costume, as evidenced by my own extensive apparel collection.

So now that I’ve solved another riddle for the humans, I’ll leave you to contemplate the fish with a sword on his face. Imagine if he and Jaws were to ever team up. Throw in the giant squid from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and the trio would find a way to take over the Earth. You will never look at the ocean the same way again.

♥Lola♥

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