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Dear Lola,

My child seems to be incapable of picking up her own laundry. I’m worried she will never learn how to pick up clothing from the floor and place it in our laundry hamper. Despite my placing 16 hampers between her door and bed, she cannot seem to get the clothes inside. Will she ever learn, or will I be stuck picking up the clothes when she is 25? I should note that my husband still leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor.

The Clothing Police

Dear Lola

Dear Clothing Police,

Thank you for your letter and I’m sorry to hear your Miniature Human cannot seem to pick up her clothing. Since it is a rather simple task, I must question why she cannot put dirty clothes into a hamper. I’ve discounted genetics playing a part in this, mostly because I haven’t had any formal schooling and reading about DNA gave me a headache. Your husband’s towel issues remain his own.

You didn’t mention to me your Miniature Human’s age. The lack of mental faculties associated with the drooling Miniature Humans under two years of age, could be one reason. However, I’m going to discount that reason since I’m sure you would have recognized that before writing me a letter.

Let’s move on to the physical reason she cannot put clothing away. Perhaps her thumbs are tired from all the cereal eating she does when you’re not looking. I would suggest hiding the cereal boxes and see if her picking up skills get better. Sometimes thumbs get tired, though I have none of my own so I can’t be 100% sure.

Another reason for leaving messy clothing on the floor could be psychological. She may very well view the hamper as a clothing monster, desperate to shred her favorite pair of pajamas. Since I find it difficult to find the perfect textile to drape across myself at night, I know exactly how your Miniature Human feels. There is only one solution to this problem – have her put the clothing directly into the washing machine. Everyone knows the washing machine is monster free, it would drown when the tub fills up!

I do have a final piece of advice in case none of the reasons I’ve listed are true. Kick her out of your house when she’s 24 and you won’t have to pick up a 25-year-old’s laundry.

♥ Lola ♥

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