I started writing this post and thought it would be one or two paragraphs at most. I should have known better.
Last night I discovered what a weirdo I was. I mean, I always knew I was weird, but last night really drove home how weird I was. I met a new blogger friend who is from Hawai’i, until the military ripped her from her beloved island just like it did to me. So here we are, two sunshine and rainbow island girls, stuck in the cold wasteland that is the mainland. I don’t know if she’s in a cold wasteland, but I’m in Washington state and it is a cold, rainy, gray-coated existence.
And I love it!
Sure I miss the sunshine, I miss the rainbows, I miss the mild temperatures. I don’t miss the endless sunburn to my vampire-like skin, the cost of a gallon of milk, fueling up my car while I plotted a second job to cover the cost of the fuel, or looking at houses and realizing Hubster and I would have to live in a shack… or in my parent’s home.
Wait a minute! I just realized that if I lived in my parent’s home I would have access to a pool, a hot tub, free food, and central air conditioning. So now I’m not only a weirdo, I’m ridiculously short-sighted for moving away. Great.
Now back to the weirdo moment. My fellow island blogger asked me what type of coffee I liked. It was a surprising question, but I set out to think about my complex answer. Poor girl thought she was just going to get a response like “vanilla latte” but she’d soon come to realize my thoughts are never that simple.
You see, I hate hot coffee. It’s just gross. No matter the flavors of sweeteners or even how much coffee to milk ratio there is, I don’t care for it. Startling enough, I love cold-brewed coffee. Not that nasty iced coffee, no no no! Iced coffee is disgusting hot coffee that has ice thrown into it thinking we’re foolish enough to admit to liking it because it’s not the hot version. Those people are silly.
It’s the same coffee, same bitter flavor, same ugh.
Not cold-brewed coffee. I don’t know how they do it! It’s coffee that tastes delicious. It’s like the beans morph in the process of brewing and become palatable. Bitter flavors disappear and you are left with unicorn tears. Delicious, precious, unicorn tears. The cost confirms cold-brew coffee is brewed in unicorn tears.
I don’t know how cold-brewed coffee is made, and I don’t want to know. It would be just my luck to find out something disgusting happens, like the coffee beans that come out of bat shit before you drink them. Then I would have no more delicious cold coffee in my life. I would miss out on that moment when the caffeine hits the bloodstream and my normal over exuberant personality starts shaking and speaking in volumes only dogs can hear. I’d also miss out on the eventual crash as the coffee leaves my body and I become comatose, wishing I had more, more, MORE!
Now that you know my views on coffee (how did you live before knowing?!) I think I’m going to pop out to get a giant cup of it and then come home to shake uncontrollably in private.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much