You know that life changing moment as a parent when you step on a Lego and your life flashes before your eyes? You end up hopping on one foot and cursing, before finally collapsing on the floor. As you curl up in the fetal position, holding your bleeding appendage, you decide that you will throw out every offending piece of plastic that ever dared to enter your home. This is your safe haven and you refuse to be tortured in your home by some menacing evil bent on destroying the world. Never again will you be branded with a Lego!!!

I found the dog equivalent of stepping on a Lego.

Lola booby-trapped our home this weekend with her plastic chewing bones. As I worked to clean the house, the dog toys plotted their attack on my life. I was making the turn into our living room when it happened…BAM! I stepped on a toy that had been chewed down to nubs on either end.

A molten flow of lava draping across my skin could not have hurt me more than this tiny, plastic, designed for fun, toy. I went down. I grasped my foot while vowing to end the lives of anyone who had a hand in making this ridiculously lethal weapon and smacking an “appropriate for puppies” label on it. Puppies? Puppies?! God in Heaven, this inhumane weapon of mass destruction could bring the world’s rotation to an end!!!

As I am writhing on the floor in agony, Lola comes out from the back room.

Finally, someone will give me some sympathy. I’ve earned it after this incredibly painful torture was inflicted upon my innocent self. Kisses, hugs, maybe I’ll even get a belly rub from my precious Lola.

Lola lies down with another plastic bone and begins sharpening her next weapon.

A text graphic that says 'just when I think I've outsmarted the English bulldog, Lola makes her move!'

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28 replies on “Unwitting pawn or diabolical mastermind…

  1. Owwch!! I can feel your pain through the t’internet! I have stepped on lego and I can fully appreciate the damage that a well chewed dog toy can inflict. Wine is he answer my friend. Very much wine. #DreamTeam x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love your writing style!! And this actually made me laugh a lot, I do apologise for my sadistic and inappropriate sense of humour, but it doesn’t look as though it’s going to change anytime soon!! I loved the being ‘branded’ by a lego-that is exactly what it’s like! I flipping hate the stuff, and can’t wait until it’s banished from our house for ever. I have never (thankfully by the sounds of it,) experienced stepping on a dog toy-I have long since given up on the idea of a dog, as one more thing to look after would make me have nightmares and probably lose my mind! I groan when people buy me flowers, because the extra responsibility for their lives, is just too much! Chuck out the dog toys with the lego, I say!

    Liked by 1 person

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