Since I had my appendix removed a few weeks ago, my appetite has not returned. I remembered to eat when my mother was here taking care of me because her appetite would tell her it was time to feed us. But since she left I’ve been eating one meal a day, if I remember to even do that. Other than going out with friends, I seem to think that I don’t need any food to survive. Yesterday it all came to a head.
I was driving to meet up with a friend for dinner, and as I was talking on the phone I felt dizzy and had a sudden feeling that I was going to pass out. I was able to get the car on the side of the road in a gas station parking lot and a kind gentleman got me a bottle of water. After about 15 minutes I decided I was not shaking any longer and that I needed to drive the few minutes back to my house. I wisely chose to have a friend on the phone in case something terrible happened on that drive back.
Once I got home, all the symptoms got worse. I was shaking, dizzy, and nauseous. And then I pulled an Elvis Presley.
I was going to the bathroom (thanks to all the water I chugged), and I remembered saying to myself “No, no, no, you are NOT going to pass out.” And then I woke up on the floor with Lola licking my cheek and swatting me with her paw.
My pants were around my ankles.
I am not ashamed to say that I flat-out panicked when I woke up. I crawled out of the bathroom and started desperately phoning anybody who could drive the thirty minutes and sit with me. I knew living so far away from all my friends was gonna bite me in the ass.
But my house is so cute.
My friend Alberta finally arrived and she shoved bananas and orange juice and soup and tuna fish into me. It was a really odd combo but it worked.
I am happy to say that I felt much better within a few hours and I feel perfectly normal this morning. But it was a very close call and I am now keeping an alarm clock set to remind myself to eat.
The last thing I want in my life is to have a paramedic show up while I am pantless, laying on the side of my toilet.
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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much