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I missed another week of Heatherisms. I have failed you all greatly. Luckily, I’ve got a great post for you today. Stay alive until my next Heatherism tells you how to navigate life without poking yourself in the eye.


Lola has seriously pissed off the squirrels who live in our backyard. Every year the hatred gets a little more intense. Spring blooms and Lola and the squirrels meet for a backyard peace summit where they all shake hands and agree on terms of backyard use. By mid-summer, the hatred is intense. Both sides have violated the treaty and are lobbying war on the other side. This year it has hit a new high.

Lola was sitting at the back slider, looking out the glass door. Sadly, the Mommybeast wouldn’t open the door to allow her the freedom to torture a squirrel. Every so often Lola would give out a woof and wait to see what the squirrels did. One squirrel felt brave and decided to collect acorns from the back patio, just two feet away from Lola.

There was only a thin piece of glass separating them.

Lola let out a giant bark and smushed her face against the glass. You know, to ensure the squirrel got the message to move it along. The squirrel was not in the least bit intimidated, based on what it did next.

It chucked the fucking acorn at the glass!

Lola went ballistic. Barking, hair flying, slobbering little ball of war. Lola was enraged.

Then the squirrel chucked another acorn at the glass and sat there staring at Lola with a calmness that only the fastest runner could feel. Squirrel knew Lola couldn’t catch it.

When the squirrel chucked the third acorn I decided it was time to unleash the beast. It was either that or wait for the glass to shatter. I opened the door and Lola made a furious dash for the squirrel.

She missed.

And now the squirrels are pelting her with acorns every time she goes outside to pee.


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