In honor of the new Little enrolled in my daycare, Tiny T-Rex, I decided to spend my day yesterday watching the Jurassic Park trilogy. I was hoping for some insight into the mind of a Tiny T-Rex and I got it. I’m not sure it applies to my new Little, but I’ve got insight on what to do if I ever come across a T-Rex on a remote island.

I’d like to start off with the advice to skip the trip to the remote island, if you can. Unless it’s an all paid for, inclusive getaway where the booze is free. Then I guess you have to go because it would be a complete waste to not go. But you’ll really need to follow my tips for survival.

One. Don’t move. Don’t move at all. Except in movie 2, they forgot to tell the T-Rex that he couldn’t see the actors in the trailer when they stayed still. Apparently, those parent T-Rex could see non-moving humans because said humans had their baby.

Two. Never, ever sleep. I mean, there are dinosaurs all over. Why are you sleeping?!?!?!

Three. Never trick anyone into coming on a dinosaur safari with you. It’s just rude. Poor guy from movie one was already traumatized enough, then he had to go back in movie 3 and there were no fences this time. At least the guy who went back in movie 2 went in with his eyes open.

(I’m taking a break here to plea with the people who are making movie number 4. Get it right. Don’t let me down. And please get the cast from movie one to return. I wasn’t a huge fan of the redhead from movie 2. Too stupid. Putting a cast on a baby T-Rex, I mean, why?!?!?! Don’t you know his parents are going to come for you?!?!?! And while I’m on the topic, do not bring back Vince Vaughn. I mean, who the hell replaces the ammo in the gun with spent shells?? Oh, now I have to add a final, final insight* since I already wrote this post in its entirety and then came back to add this little break in it.)

Speaking of fences, here’s tip to survive number four. Never think the dinosaur can’t get you. I’d think this would be secondary nature. It apparently isn’t. All three movies had it happen and I laughed each time as the person got eaten.

And the final insight into what to do if you ever visit a remote island. Pack snacks. On your person. Because you know when you start running from big dinosaurs that two things will happen; you’ll have to drop your bag to run quicker and your belly will get hungry from all that running.

*Final, final insight. Never, EVER, replace the bullets in someone’s gun with spent casings. I don’t care how hippie dippie, animal loving you are. When the dinosaurs come running, they won’t know who likes them and who doesn’t. And frankly, they don’t give a crap. They’re dinosaurs. They will eat any human they find.

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