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Auctions. They’re about fun and raising money for a good cause; to send Navy kids to college. Well, that’s what I thought they were about.

And then everything changed.

Meal choices were beef, chicken and vegetarian. Last year the beef was cut into chunks and served in a dessert bowl, like a tiny little mousse cup, and smothered in a strange brown goo. It was so gross that we just tried to hold it down. The chicken was in a white goo that looked even less appetizing. The vegetarians in the building lucked the fuck out and got a delicious pasta dish.

So this year we were given the same three choices- beef, chicken or vegetarian. And I, like my smarty pants self, decided to get the vegetarian pasta. Only to find out it was a veggie wrap with a sick green tortilla.

Shit got real…fast.

I mean, I like a good salad, but where the hell was the blue cheese or the mayonnaise or even a little mustard?!?! Nooooooooo, it was served dry. So after the first bite I managed to take two more, one with barbecue sauce and one with some mysterious pinkish hued sauce. Each one sucked as hard as the one before.

Veggie Wrap

I came home and tried to recover from the horror of living in such a hippie state that this food is looked upon with joy.

A special thank you to Eric and Alberta for giving me the slice of chocolate cake that probably saved the lives of everyone in that entire building. Fat kids cannot be starved, we don’t deal with it well! And of course, a special shout out to all those who made the auction happen. It’s not your fault the ballroom serves weird food. 

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