For three weeks Lola has been contemplating Christmas. She has valiantly fought her fear of our tiny Christmas tree – it sits on the coffee table and attempts to murder her when we’re not looking. Lola helped put stockings up, and resisted the urge to rip them down and kill them for jingling their little bells when she ran by too quickly. She even managed to ignore the toy box of squeaky toys she could visually see on the top of the present pile – thanks to a steady supply of treats in the days leading up to Christmas day.
Then on Christmas day, Lola finally snapped.
Daddybeast came in and woke Lola up, as I happily ran down the hall while yelling for my stocking. Lola was confused by all the unusual activity, but continued on with her usual potty routine and dash to her food bowl.
There was no food in the bowl.
Lola wanders back over to us and begins to jump around – desperately trying to figure out what she has to kill to make us all calm down and feed her. As we tear into our gifts she begins to get more stressed, lunging at wrapping paper, ribbon, various body parts – whatever was in front of her.
Nothing was safe, everything had potential murder in its soul. “You see the little piece of scotch tape? That thing may be the source of the evil in my home, I must kill it…I shall lick it up.”
I hand down one of Lola’s new toys and she immediately hones in on the kill. She begins to destroy every toy we bought for her. I’ve never seen anything like it. She was a rabid tiger let loose in a petting zoo. Lola dragged toys on a wild race around the house, things got knocked over, people got their shins bruised.
It was glorious.
Lola has declared today a national holiday so she can lie down and take a nap.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: