Okay ladies and gentlemen…it’s time for my annual word pick.
OKAY, and puppies. Jesus Lola, stop biting my dang ankle. If you chew on that sleeping baby you are DEAD MEAT! They are NOT chewy toys that squeak!
Okay, where were we?
Oh yeah, annual word pick.
Well, it’s not really annual yet. I only did it once and decided I liked it.
So for a New Year’s Resolution I hate people who make the same old, stupid, boring ones. Like losing weight and being a “nicer person” whatever the hell that means. I think I’m a nicer person EVERY DAY that I don’t shank someone!
Anywhoo, so last year I decided to pick a word to use everyday. And not just an easy word like “the”. It had to be a word that is not easy to incorporate into daily life. I mean, you would not believe the number of people who thought the cops should be called when I started using shank. I was in fear of Homeland Security and the CIA for a good two months.
My fondest memory of the word shank came at a boat FRG meeting. There I am, the cool treasurer, listening to some pretty wild ideas of things to send down to the sailors before they get sealed into their penis shaped boats with lots of other penises on board. And no hope of sunlight or non-penis toting humans for the next god-knows-how-long. Get the picture, it’s not a damn picnic they are leaving on…
So this idea to donate soda (since unlike Trident boobs, we have no soda machine) is thrown out there and someone asks “what kind?” And before I can even open my mouth El Presidente, Nikki, let’s rip with “can we send down the glass bottles of soda? Those are cool.”
And I can’t even contain my shock at the idea and reply TO THE WHOLE ASSEMBLY “No way, they’ll make shanks out of the bottle caps!” And then I look over, in open mouth horror at the Captain and Executive Officer of the boat.
I can’t even register their reaction because I am trying to figure out how to die and do it quickly.
Luckily, the sense of humor in the upper chain of command is high and they have loved my antics since the day I showed up. Thank God, I thought Hubster was going to shank my face when I told him the story.
SOOOOOOO, we need to find a word that will create equally humorous stories for me to carry on with. Leave your ideas in the comment section. I have a few good ones but I’m keeping them close to the vest so I don’t sway your minds.
Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather
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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much