Dear Lola,
I recently attended a close friend’s wedding. The event was awesome, but it did start later in the evening and the night was long. As I was sitting at a table chatting with some of the bride’s family, whom I’ve known since birth, one of the older aunts was saying she was ready to leave but she didn’t want to miss out on the cake. As people were joking about getting the cake cutting moving, I said no one would notice if she took a small slice from the back. I thought no more of this joke until an hour later when the bride and groom went to cut the cake.
There was a piece cut out of the back of the wedding cake!
Yep, you guessed it, the aunt apparently wanted cake that badly. While the bride didn’t kick up a big fuss that night, word got around which aunt had done the cutting and that I was the one who told her to do it. She has blocked all of my attempts to contact her to explain myself. I’ve been friends with her since birth, over 30 years of our families being close. What should I do to repair this rift since she will not allow me to call or message her?
Sincerely,
Wedding Wisecracker
Dear Wedding Wisecracker,
This is the ultimate faux pas and I’m sorry you find yourself the recipient of it. No contact is the newest human trend to infiltrate the universe, and I am greatly disturbed by the widespread use of it for even the most minute annoyances. I just do not understand the rationale behind the idea of simply blocking all contact from another human being without even a chance to explain.
Imagine if canines deployed this technique — humans everywhere would weep.
And deploy this tactic we could. The humans are notorious for their minor and frequent transgressions against the canine population. One missed feeding, a snack unshared, even a gentle nudge on our bellies as we take over the entire bed at night — you suddenly find yourself living with a canine who won’t give you the time of day. The human race would crumble quite quickly in the face of that dastardly punishment.
No contact should be used only in the most severe cases where other remedies have failed.
You say the two families are close, so this problem is possibly temporary. I am also taking you at your word that nothing more serious has occurred in your friendship and this was just the final straw. If you are positive the rift was not caused by years of frustration than I think it’s appropriate to attempt to contact your friend. If there is any doubt in your mind that she may have other reasons for cutting you off, then you are best to leave your friend alone.
Cue Jeopardy music while human thinks back over entire friendship.
Okay, your mind is made up and you are positive this no contact was undeserved. Luckily for you, it’s difficult to go completely no contact since large events will likely force you together over and over again. Not to mention that no contact only applies to the world in a digital sense. It’s not like the people cease to stop walking the earth entirely!
Employ the help of snail mail to explain what happened.
You’ll need to find a piece of paper, a pen or pencil, an envelope, and a stamp. I know, it already sounds like a monumental task and you haven’t even hit the hard part! Tell your friend exactly how sorry you are for making an offhand comment that someone took as permission. This is where you avoid putting all the blame on someone else and merely express your remorse for not guarding your words more carefully when in mixed company. Now comes the hard part. You must address the envelope and get it into the mailbox — a task which seems to be where my Mommybeast loses her motivation and puts it on the stack near the door.
Then sit back and relax while you wait three to five business days for your letter to arrive.
After that the ball is in your friend’s court. I would hope that getting an apology note in the mail would be enough to salvage a decades long friendship. In the off chance that it isn’t, I would recommend you use a mutual person to try to patch things up. Just avoid using the aunt who cut the cake!
♥Lola♥
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Shank You Very Much 