At the start of 2018, I set a few goals for myself. I resist the word resolution because it is defined as a firm decision, leaving you feeling like a complete failure when you don’t hit the final mark. Goals are merely plans, which we all know can change on a whim – or through an instant replay of the camera footage!
Today I decided to check up on the progress of my goals, now that we are officially past the half mark for the year.
Goal 1 – eat large amounts of cake.
I can say that I have hit this goal and even been awarded bonus points for my dedication to redefining the meaning of ‘large amounts.’ I plan on continuing this trend for the remainder of my life – which is shortening with each slice of cake I consume.
Goal 2 – visit Taco Bell in the daylight.
I have hit this goal also! I know, I am as surprised as you are that I actually went to Taco Bell outside of the midnight hours I typically use for foraging. Sadly, the day workers are not as in tune with my particular brand of humor and I left feeling a bit deflated. Luckily, I went back that night and the regular workers welcomed me with open arms and witty banter.
Goal 3 – dress Lola in more costumes.
While I succeeded in getting her into more costumes, I’m not sure I met the actual goal. I didn’t get her into new costumes, just the ones we already owned. We can blame this partial failure on the Hubster, who has put me on a budget and thinks costumes for a bulldog are ‘luxury items’ and not necessities.
Hubster is preventing my success.
Goal 4 – binge on even more Netflix.
Well, I know you can’t hear my voice, but I am exceedingly proud of breaking my old marathon record – it was 13 hours without stopping. Though in all fairness, I did use the bathroom and get snacks during slow moments. My new record is 15 hours. I would like to take this moment to personally thank the British for filming so many awesome things.
Success, thanks to the British.
Goal 5 – learn how to wear a wrap dress.
Stupid dresses. I suppose this was the goal I knew I could not hit. Not only do I rarely wear dresses, I also rarely get out of my pajamas. Why I thought this would be the year to successfully pull off a wrap dress, I will never know. I’ve decided this goal will never be met.
I was a bit disappointed in myself but I ate some cake and got over it.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: