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Four years ago, when Hubster and I were getting serious about wanting to buy a house, we decided to get our bills under control. We had too many luxuries. Contracted luxuries, the very worst kind. I’m talking about that dreaded cable bill! We decided to cut it off because homeowners would have to be prepared to make critical decisions.

No company has ever intimidated me since.

Prior to facing down the cable company, I would cave to sales pressure and end up with weird things I didn’t need but somehow still had. Extra texting on my cellular. Store insurance protection plans instead of just using our insurance company. Paying for satellite radio when you get local radio for free.

Lola Meme Universe

One by one, I’ve cut them all off. The texting on the cellular was the first to go. It was ridiculously simple, the company had already moved my plan to an unlimited. Still, I considered it my victory! Then I tackled the store insurance plans. Never again will any cashier get me to pay them $20 in case I drop my Nintendo on the way out of the store! I still feel ridiculous thinking about how much money I’ve paid over the years when I had insurance all along thanks to home/renter’s coverage. Damn cashiers. Then I had to tackle the satellite radio people.

December 24, 2017. Christmas Eve. The day will live in infamy.

I was on the phone with a particularly cunning salesperson who was adamant that I would never be able to survive without my beloved radio. Apparently, they didn’t realize that the only channel I loved was available FOR FREE as a preview station. Even though I mentioned it repeatedly, she beguiled me with talk of commercials and interruptions. I stayed strong. I launched into my rationalization that our new home, our forever home, was in a satellite radio dead spot. Since I rarely venture past the area, I never actually got to enjoy a song without silence marring it intermittently. This salesperson was not done with me yet – she offered me free service on a third radio. It was close. I will tell you guys this, I almost caved.

Free is my favorite word in the whole world.

Then my brain snapped to attention and sorted out that this free home radio wouldn’t work if my car radio doesn’t work in the driveway. Suddenly I felt 10 pounds lighter. I also felt $360 richer. Yeah, that’s a kick in the butt when you actually see the whole year refunded at once. No longer could my brain play stupid that the magical money fairies were paying that credit card purchase each month!

I was so happy that I ended up renegotiating our cell phone plan – a $30 victory each month. Then I strong-armed my internet provider into giving me a 12 month discount and unlimited data or I would walk. I actually used those words and punctuated it with the taunt that I don’t even use the internet. A blatant lie, but one that sounded so convincing, the company representative believed it.

Christmas was in the air and I was invigorated.

Hubster was so proud of me that he decided to reward my victory with a Taco Bell meal. I should have known better. I should have stopped while I was ahead. I had already achieved so many great things on this night, something terrible was bound to happen. To quote my favorite dinosaur man, life finds a way.

The events that followed were practically a given…

To be continued.


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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Unicorn - Apparel
Unicorn – Apparel
by Heather Keet


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