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Well, I made it home from my vacation. For 10 whole days I played on the East Coast, without Hubster or Lola. To be clear, I ate on the East Coast – playing required more effort than I was capable of. I ate at so many restaurants that the event became dubbed Foodcation 2017. Every day was a new adventure to eat the food I used to have access to every day. There were pizzas, breakfast buffets, pizza, steaks, pizza, pasta, pizza, grinders, then more pizza.

So much pizza.

A cartoon version of me holding an adult beverage in a coconut shell, standing next to a palm tree. The caption says "every day is a vacation paradise... in my head!"

And the bacon. So much bacon. I ate so much that I need to detox this week, so I’ll only go to Taco Bell once. Twice. I’ll promise twice because we all know once is just a ridiculous dream that I could never actually live up to.

Lola took great care of Daddybeast while I was gone – she reported only having to clean up one poop on the floor. One day we’ll get that guy potty trained and Lola will get to enjoy a real vacation! Hubster may have reported things a bit differently to me, but Lola has such an innocent face that I’m leaning slightly in her favor.

A cartoon rendering of Lola the English Bulldog. She has a text bubble that reads "Hi!" above her head

Lola is still in shock over my complete abandonment – she’s been comforting herself by following me around and licking my leg at every opportunity. Just my right leg, I think the left leg is getting blamed for actually allowing me to board the airplane. I woke up this morning to her face peering down at mine while she held her paw on my chest so I couldn’t escape.

Now that I’m back, I’ve given myself 30 days to finish hammering out my book and get it to the first editor for a look through. Now that I’ve written that sentence I realize I will not be able to stick with my twice a week Taco Bell promise.

Oh well, I tried.

On a sidenote, Hubster tried to watch the movie Jaws with Lola while I was gone. She did not like it. The moment the first victim started screaming and gurgling on her blood, Hubster reported that Lola buried her head in the blanket and wouldn’t come back out.

I feel you Lola.

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much