Autocorrect is perhaps the greatest weapon ever unleashed on mankind. One minute you’re having a pleasant conversation, and the next you are in a brawl of words with each side getting uglier and uglier. Screenshots are saved and sent around the world as each side tries to come out on top. Someone will end up on the bottom and the other ends up on top, but neither is ever a winner.
This is not one of those stories.
This story is so much worse. This is a talk-to-type story that ensures your human misery reaches the peak of the mountain before plummeting you back down to the ground as hard as it can. It’s the “I climbed Mt. Everest but gave up 2,000 feet from the top” story. It’s a story entirely caused by robots that used to be human, who now get smug satisfaction from watching the rest of us struggle.
I should have done my upgrade already.
It all started with a compliment aimed at the ever-popular Lola. On Instagram I am just the pusher of buttons, Lola is the star. It’s my job to respond to her admirers since she doesn’t have thumbs and Siri refuses to learn how to speak dog. I usually manage to do a good job of not embarrassing the brindle fur ball who calls the shots, but I was distracted for a moment and all hell broke loose. A brand new follower commented on Lola’s most recent headshot and I decided to thank him… in the most hysterical and awful way imaginable.
Thank you Sir Winston, you look like yo momma.
This proud British gentleman did not respond to our bizarre message. As I was hastily trying to smash an apology into my keyboard (I abandoned that talk type feature immediately!) I realized he had unfollowed us already.
Now, I don’t know how many people in the UK are familiar with American slang, but I guarantee the entire world knows that “yo momma” is an insult of the worst kind. No matter what language you speak, the moment someone’s mom is mentioned it’s goddamn go time. We fight to the death in defense of the precious ladies who pushed us into this world.
I’m sorry Sir Winston, I’m sure yo momma is amazing.
Editor’s Note: I deleted the offending message before realizing I had blogging gold. I’ll never, ever hit delete again!
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much