I’m slowly working my way through the British food I had delivered to my home from across the pond – which is a clever way of addressing the Atlantic Ocean. Last week I reviewed the bread, with the British winning the round by a landslide. This week I am hoping we can establish our American snack dominance with chips. The UK calls them crisps, which I am going to start doing.
Crisps sound like a healthy snack, filled with calorie-free air.
The most shocking moment in the test came as soon as I put the cans side by side. First, they are using the same artwork, which I found to be amusing since so many other American companies change the packaging in their UK versions. However, the change in the color green was odd. It is hard to fathom why they wouldn’t be identical, but I do have a theory.
I bet they matched it to the most common grass in each country.
The British can is 156g and the American can is 6.38 ounces, or 181g. Now, I’m not 100% on what a gram is, but the UK can didn’t list any ounces. Thankfully the American can listed grams as well as ounces or I would have been in math hell for hours.
The American chips are significantly darker than the British crisps. The difference was so notable, I worried I had bought two different flavors – until the smell reached me. I popped the American chip into my mouth and happily dreamed lovely dreams of unicorns farting glitter while soaring over a rainbow with a sack of gold at the end.
As you can plainly see, I love chips.
My second foray onto the unicorn’s back was much different – it was so much better I can’t even describe it in words. I envision heaven will be like eating that chip. The moment that British crisp hit my mouth, I knew America was being screwed over royally. And it made me slightly cranky.
Okay, a lot cranky.
First of all, the UK crisp was much, much thinner than America’s. I could eat these in the middle of a dark room and no one would hear the loud crunching. Second, the sour cream was much tastier on the Brit crisp. I may or may not have eaten so much that my stomach hurt.
The UK Pringle was far superior to the US one. I am flabbergasted that an American food invention is altered to become more delicious, but only when sold outside of the country it originated in. I feel like there is a conspiracy theory here worth investigating, starting with the ingredients that are removed from the product being shipped overseas.
I’ve highlighted the extra ingredients that were added to the US Pringle.
UK Pringles ingredients: Dehydrated Potatoes, Vegetable Oil, Rice Flour, Wheat Starch, Sour Cream & Onion Flavour (Onion Powder, Sour Cream Powder, Dextrose, Flavourings, Sugar, Sweet Whey Powder, Lactose from Milk, Milk Protein, Potato Starch, Citric Acid, Lactic Acid, Malic Acid), Emulsifier: E471, Maltodextrin, Salt, Modified Rice Starch.
American Pringles ingredients: DRIED POTATOES, VEGETABLE OIL (CONTAINS ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING: CORN OIL, COTTONSEED OIL, SOYBEAN OIL, AND/OR SUNFLOWER OIL), CORN FLOUR, WHEAT STARCH AND MALTODEXTRIN. CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: RICE FLOUR, SALT, WHEY, DEXTROSE, COCONUT OIL, MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE, ONION POWDER, SUGAR, NONFAT MILK, SOUR CREAM (CREAM, NONFAT MILK, CULTURES), CULTURED NONFAT MILK, NATURAL FLAVORS, BUTTERMILK, SWEET CREAM, CITRIC ACID, LACTIC ACID, DISODIUM INOSINATE, DISODIUM GUANYLATE, SODIUM CASEINATE, INVERT SUGAR, MALIC ACID AND YEAST EXTRACT.
Americans, shall we take a moment to reflect that there are four types of sodium added to our chips?! Or how about inverted sugar?! I’m not sure what the hell it is, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want my sugar inverted. Whatever these extra ingredients are, I know one fact:
They are fucking up a perfectly delightful chip.
If the UK can have such a delicious product, I demand the same for Americans. Give me the same chips is the new no taxation without representation. I’m going to go dump a crate of American Pringles in the Puget Sound tomorrow, who wants to join me?!!
I’d like to take this moment to say that British Corner Shop is not paying me in money or food or even free shipping to post anything about their website. But they got the order boxed, shipped internationally to a military base, for under $30….before the bread even got a teensy bit stale. So if you want British food, you should check them out.
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