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Well, their food did. I finally got my shipment of food from the British Corner Shop and I am puzzled, excited, confused, happy and bewildered all at the same time. I’m planning on holding taste tests with some friends and giving you guys the real dirt on what the heck is up with these American companies putting all sorts of crazy ingredients into my version of the food and then removing all of them for the British version of the food.

A little reminder, I could really give two shits about the ingredients and nutritional value, I eat Twinkies and Spam so obviously this isn’t a health website. My goal here is to find out who is getting the yummier food and who’s being saddled with the crappy tasting product, which will serve me for my retirement planning should I decide to go where the food takes me.

Today I’m starting on the bread.

food- bread

American version on top in white bag, UK version in blue bag.

Let’s all take a moment to notice the size difference involved in these loaves of bread. They are both basic white breads so I thought they’d be more similar in size. I couldn’t find a medium version of the big American bread and I couldn’t find a big version of the medium UK bread.

I’m starting to see the obesity trend in America. But since my blog doesn’t care about that, let’s move on to the taste test.

I was making chicken salad sandwiches and I needed to toast my slices. As soon as I opened the UK bread I noticed a smell difference. American white bread smells very sweet, the UK stuff smelled like I had a bread cooker in my house and it had just finished baking. It was wonderful.

The texture of UK bread is completely different. The slices are smaller, denser and have almost no crust on them. Which is a fucking delight since I’m the asshole who likes to take the bottom crust off her sandwiches.

Bottom crust = awful x 1000

So I toasted the bread and got this as a result.

food- bread

American on the left, UK on the right.

America, our bread gets nice and brown in the toaster. UK, yeah, that didn’t toast. It gets crunchy like it is perfectly brown but the color doesn’t change. I wonder if that’s because the sugar in my American bread is what makes it turn color?! Or the chemicals?! Whatever it is, I loved the fact that the UK toast didn’t make a huge flaking mess on my plate and hands as I ate.

The American counterpart did not do so well in that regard. I was sad to say that the UK bread won me over with no effort.

So there you have it, the UK bread won the taste test. Now, for those of you who care about ingredients I couldn’t do a straight comparison since these are separate brands but for the rest of my UK food items I have the same brand in the American version. I went ahead and highlighted the EXTRA ingredients in the American version that the UK version didn’t contain.

UK bread ingredients: Wheat Flour [with Calcium, Iron, Niacin (B3) and Thiamin (B1)], Water, Yeast, Salt, Vegetable Oil (Rapeseed, Sustainable Palm), Soya Flour, Emulsifiers: E481, E472e; Preservative: Calcium Propionate (added to inhibit mould growth); Flour Treatment Agents: Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C ), E920 (Vegetarian).

American bread ingredients: ENRICHED UNBLEACHED WHEAT FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN AND FOLIC ACID), WATER, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, YEAST. CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF THE FOLLOWING: SALT, VEGETABLE OIL (CANOLA AND/OR SOY), DISTILLED VINEGAR, YEAST NUTRIENT (AMMONIUM SULFATE), DOUGH CONDITIONERS (MONO-DIGLYCERIDES, SODIUM STEAROYL LACTYLATE, ASCORBIC ACID, AZODICARBONAMIDE, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE), DEFATTED SOY FLOUR, EXTRACT OF MALTED BARLEY, DEXTROSE, CALCIUM PROPIONATE (MOLD INHIBITOR), CALCIUM SULFATE (A SOURCE OF CALCIUM), ENZYMES, NONFAT DRY MILK.

I would personally like to apologize for the American bread ingredients being in all caps. I was way too lazy to type them myself so I copied and pasted them from their website. I am not shouting the list of ingredients at you, I just wanted to eat a Twinkie with one hand instead of typing.

NOW WHY THE HELL ISN’T THERE A COMMAND THAT ALLOWS ME TO HIGHLIGHT A SECTION OF TEXT AND MAKE IT LOWERCASE?!?!? GET WORKING ON THAT APPLE!! (I intended for that to be all shouty words this time.)


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