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Last night I was finishing up the last of my Christmas newsletters when I began to sweat. As I lifted an envelope to my mouth, I realized I was probably licking toxic glue. I ignored my paranoid side and kept sealing envelopes.

Ten minutes later, I was still sweating. Paranoia won out and I went to google the brand of envelopes I had bought this year. Just to make sure no one had reported signs of illness while sealing their envelopes. Nothing reported.

I was just being paranoid.

I decided to take a break and, if I’m being honest, I considered the bottle of Elmer’s glue that Constanza told Susan to use. I decided to watch TV instead and pulled up my Seinfeld collection to randomly pick out an episode.

I just so happened to pick The Invitations episode.

You know, the one where Susan died after licking toxic envelopes that George picked out?!

I sealed all the remaining envelopes with a wet sponge.

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