I’m apparently on it.
I have an outdoor staircase that it attempting to murder not only myself, but two other people. So far. I have a gutter at the bottom of said stairwell that decided to add a little more pizazz to the falls and pour water in a huge geyser at the bottom of the stairs. You know, so you can get cleaned up from the fall that got you all dirty.
The house actually hates me. I was electrocuted by the house last month. And my heat only works when it feels like it. Despite multiple attempts, no one can actually find anything wrong with the heat. It just hates me. But that isn’t the worst thing the house has done to me in the past month. No, it just got vicious and I want to shank the house right in an electrical socket and watch it burn to the ground.
My ice tastes like broccoli.
That’s right. The ice maker is making ice that tastes exactly like broccoli. And there’s no broccoli in my freezer.
I decided that someone else had to share in my pain of the ice broccoli. I put a cube in Lola’s bowl since she loves ice. She told me to go get fucked and walked away without touching it.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much