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Base housing had another “scheduled” power outage in housing. By “scheduled” I mean they send you an email and tell you the power outage is from 0800-0900 and then at 1300 everything in your house shuts down.

So there I am, playing around on my $2,000 iMac when all of a sudden, I hear a pop and a faint burning smell. I become enraged. Damn you base housing!

I immediately call the housing office and they inform me that they were notified last-minute (read: we forgot to tell the residents that the plan changed and we don’t want you to scream at us like a psycho) and sent out an email saying that the power outage would continue later in the day. Unfortunately I received no email, neither did 4 neighbors I asked.

The housing office tells me the power may cycle on and off and that we need to unplug our electronics to avoid killing them.

That’s some useless, late advice lady.

So there I am, walking around the house and unplugging everything. I reach for the surge protector that the computer is plugged into and, as I touch it, sparks fly out of the socket and shock the shit out of me. Power cycled back on at the wrong moment.

Thank you office lady. I hate your motherfucking guts.

At this point I call my dad. He was a nuke on submarines for decades and he’s now a plant supervisor at an electric company- he’s my electricity guru. My dad runs through the procedure for turning the electronics off at the breaker panel to avoid any rogue problems…like shocking yourself. So I launch into the story about how I just got shocked. He starts to ask questions about what happened and he immediately tells me to have someone come over and watch me (I still had a daycare kid in the house) and I should get to an ER or call 911. But something needed to happen quickly.

I desperately try to locate the Hubster who is lost on a submarine that I apparently have no phone numbers to.  No friends can get to me to deliver me to the ER and I frankly got too worried to logically process thought once my mother (the ER nurse) calls and orders me to an ER immediately or she is calling 911 and sending them to me. Apparently my sweating, rapid heart beat and arm tingles were a terrible sign. Once she threatened to get on a plane I knew I had to get moving.

The Hubster was located and kicked off the boat and he arrives home to start a lecture that ran the whole way to the ER. Circuit breakers, electric panels, outlet safety…blah, blah, blah. Apparently, I’m now going to be subjected to some Navy safety course about electric shocks. And I’ve got a hundred bucks that says it’s a PowerPoint.

But the best part came as I was getting into the car. I went to plug my phone into the car outlet and the Hubster looks right at me and says,

“What are you doing, Sparky? You’re no longer allowed near plugs. And I hope I get to watch them hook a defibrillator up to you, that’ll make it worth losing so much time at work.”

I love that man.

P.S. I’m fine, I had an EKG and it was normal. See, one area where I’m normal! Though I do have to rest for 24-48 hours due to my freakishly high blood pressure and racing heart beat. I told the doctor, “I’m chubby, own an English Bulldog and have an iPad and Apple TV. Sitting on the couch is my forte.”

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouVeryMuch 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @shankyouheather 

Lola and I opened a store so we can hopefully cover the world in her Bulldog face, check it out at Shank You Very Much