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For the first time, in my 31 years on this earth, there will be a Sonic within 10 minutes of my home. The closest I have ever lived to a Sonic, thus far, has been an hour. An hour is really far to drive. Don’t get me wrong, I drive to it, but it is far.

All that is in the past now! Sonic will be in my backyard and I sense corn dogs whenever I want them. Those delicious shakes that are so addicting you can’t even make a decision. Who has hundreds of flavors of shakes on their menu?!?! SONIC! Are they trying to cause fat kid heart attacks from the anxiety caused by trying to pick?!?! Not at all.

They have created fat kid paradise.

Sonic has also created a marketing gold mine. They are opening this establishment near a Navy base. A place where women (and men) are left alone while their spouse deploys. Eating dinner alone every night brands you a “less fortunate” by society.

I’m not saying society is right, but you know it’s true.

And you know you’ve thought it at least once in your life!

Sonic is the perfect solution. Instead of eating drive thru that has cooled past the point of edible by the time I get home, I can instead eat in my car like a happy fat kid.

Lola can sit on the passenger seat with her mouth open.

Hot food, no one judging, and if I spill I’m hidden in the car where no one can spot my faux pas. Except the waitress on skates – she is judging like crazy.

Damn, even Sonic will have to be driven home now…

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