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So yesterday Lola had to wear the cone of shame due to her fatty tumor on her back leg. And before you freak out, it’s NOT cancer and apparently they just disappear on their own.

I freaked out for you, you’re welcome.

So today Lola saw me pick up the cone and I had to put it on while I took a shower. I knew the very minute I left the bed she would be back to licking it until it bled.

I removed the cone shortly afterwards to feed her breakfast and as soon as she saw me grab it again she made a big production of lying down and being submissive. Which always sends up red flags because she is nothing, if not my daughter; we don’t have a submissive bone in our body. Poor Hubster, so put upon.

I warned her in my best authoritative voice to “not lick!” or she’d get the cone.

Aaaaaannnndddd two seconds later she started licking.

So I picked up the cone and slapped it into place. She turned her back and pretended I didn’t exist.

About 5 minutes later I took it off and again told her don’t lick.

Aaaaaannnnndddd this time she waited until I turned away and I heard her lick. I mean, she has a big bulldog face and you can clearly hear them doing anything that requires them to reach their back legs. She was grunting and groaning and struggling to get her giant rib cage to move enough to allow for back leg licking.

So I slapped that cone back on and told her no and walked away.

This time she wore it for 15 minutes.

I took it off her and Lola made a huge show of lying down with her legs tucked under her.

Two times, folks. My Lola learned to stop licking after two times with the cone.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; why not just leave the cone on?

Damn good question!

Because Lola in a cone is basically a hippopotamus doing the ballet. On ice. In the rain. On a dark night.

She banged into so much shit that I was in fear for all my valuables.

It was a win-win situation.


UPDATE: Guess she’s not as smart as I initially thought. He memory only lasts for 12 hours, she’s now back in the cone.

And she’s not too happy about it.


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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much

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