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Yesterday Lola had to wear the cone of shame due to her fatty tumor on her back leg. And before you freak out, it’s NOT cancer and apparently they just disappear on their own.

I freaked out for you, you’re welcome.

Today Lola is only wearing the cone when I can’t watch her. I had to put it on while I took a shower – I knew the very minute I left the bed she would be back to licking it until it bled. I removed the cone shortly afterwards, to feed her breakfast – as soon as she saw me grab it again, she made a big production of lying down and being submissive. Which always sends up red flags because she is nothing if not my daughter – we don’t have a submissive bone in our body. Poor Hubster, so put upon. I warned her in my best authoritative voice to “not lick!” or she’d get the cone.

Two seconds later she started licking.

I picked up the cone and slapped it into place. She turned her back and pretended I didn’t exist. Five minutes later I took it off and again told her don’t lick.

This time she waited until I turned away before I heard her lick.

Lola has a big bulldog face and you can clearly hear her doing anything that requires her to reach the back legs. Why bulldogs haven’t figured this out yet, I do not know. She was grunting and groaning and struggling to get her giant rib cage to move enough to allow for back leg licking. I slapped that cone back on and told her no and walked away.

This time she wore it for 15 minutes. I took it off her and Lola made a huge show of lying down with her legs tucked under her. Two times, folks. My Lola learned to stop licking after two times with the cone. I know what you’re thinking – why not just leave the cone on? Damn good question!

Lola in a cone is basically a hippopotamus doing the ballet. On ice. In the rain. On a dark night.

She banged into so much shit that I was in fear for all my valuables.

UPDATE: Guess Lola’s not as smart as I initially thought. He memory only lasts for 12 hours, she’s now back in the cone. She’s not too happy about it.


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