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You know how you get those great free samples while you’re in Costco? Well, I’m always careful about the food because coconut oil is so damn hip and it is in everything. Sadly, if I eat coconut I end up with hives that make me want to die. I could also actually die, but I tend to ignore that dark thought or I’d be paralyzed with fear and never leave my house. (I’m also allergic to pineapple but it’s so delicious that every so often I am willing to risk it all; holding my Epi-pen in one hand, while I eat a deliciously sweet slice of potential death.)

This time though, it wasn’t the Costco food samples that I had to watch out for…

A cute little old lady was handing out samples and I was trying to be nice while refusing, saying no thank you as I tried to scoot past. This sample sharer was persistent. She’s handing it towards me and I’m desperate to reject a sample of unknown ingredients.

I even went to so far as to use the apology hand.

You know the one, it says “I’d love to take it but I just can’t.” Then this grandma who looks so loving and innocent tells me “it’s free dear, what do you have to lose?” She’s got me, I take the laundry sample and continue on my way.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; why not just throw the sample out?! I wanted to, but a sweet little old lady’s face haunted my conscience when I started to toss it into the garbage. Her words rang in my ears “what do you have to lose?” So I used it….

a picture of a dead stick figure face with the text

For two weeks I walked around with a red rash all over my face and torso. I looked like a zombie. Worse, I felt like a zombie – undead and insatiably hungry. So the next time someone offers you a free sample, consider just running away while screaming.

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