So today I am happily scrolling through Facebook and I am dreaming of my breakfast. I’m hoping a quesadilla will make an appearance when I get so scared I have to go crap my pants. There was a cat picture, but it wasn’t your normal cat picture. This was the Chuck Norris of cats (I wish I could say this was an exaggeration).
So once I collected myself and made it back to the computer I decided to face my fear. I looked at the cat and realized, there is just no overcoming this fear. This cat can see into my soul and wants to shank it.
Now anyone who knows me, knows that I have owned cats and in general will tolerate cats around me. But I am scared of them. I am constantly worried they will attack my legs, bite me, scratch me and just generally torment me- because they have!
I owned a cool cat named Moo Cow Keet in Connecticut. (Say that name really fast and it sounds like a Chinese dish! I am aware of my sick sense of humor.) He was fucking crazy. Moo would attack legs and bite the shit out of you for no reason. At least no reason a human could ever divine. And there wasn’t anything I could do to stop him. He’s a cat, I dare you to try to swat him like a dog. Or spray him with water…yeah, try closing your eyes at night after that…
And I never did get my quesadilla, damn cat…
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: