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I think it would be great to be a Minion. I wouldn’t want to live my entire life as a Minion, but I think it would be exciting to try it out for a week. I would be surrounded by other chubby people, most of them vertically challenged like myself. I could babble random noises and not have people look at me like I’m a crazy person. I could smack my friends to the ground and they would hop back up and laugh with me – and then hand me an ice cream cone.

My level of excitement would fit in perfectly with a crowd of Minions!

A teal/green owl that says

Minions have very little hair, making their morning routine a breeze – not to mention saving a ton of money on expensive styling products. And speaking of style, their clothing budget must be minimal since they seem to wear a uniform of overalls. Overalls have a ton of pockets to store snacks in. But the best part is still to be said and it makes me positively giddy.

I would be the same color of my favorite cheese from Taco Bell.

*Please pardon this interruption as Blogger’s head explodes with sheer delight*

For all the perks of being a Minion, I can also imagine a few drawbacks as well. The biggest worry is that my friends would smack me into the ground and then I would turn into the scary purple Minion who shoots rockets at people. Yellow Minions are fun-loving, but the purple Minions have a lot of extra rage they don’t know what to do with.

Focused rage can be managed, I can’t handle having to take on the whole world!

I do love to chat and I worry the Minion language would not be expressive enough for me to say all that I need to say. Imagine what would happen when I tried to order my nachos at Taco Bell and they asked me to move along because they couldn’t understand me?!

The horror of it would make me the morose Minion in a crowd of yellow bananas.

Speaking of bananas, they say that word a lot. Do you suppose they eat bananas all day and night?! I don’t really like bananas that much and I would worry about my potassium levels getting so high that it led to a new weird minion kidney disease.

Do Minions even have kidneys?!

Now look what I’ve done – created another tangent for my night brain to think about. I am never going to get any sleep tonight!

Lola update: All the biopsy results came back as benign and Lola is in the clear. Stitches come out first thing in the morning – making sleep tonight extremely critical… I wish night brain would take a break. Thank you all for asking after Lola, you have made her feel so special while she was on couchrest.


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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: