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For weeks Lola has been in training. Each morning she wakes up and does a few sprints across the house. She then proceeds to run two laps around the backyard fence. She stops to sniff every 14.2 feet, ensuring her nose is in prime working condition. She measures the sounds with her precision ears – the more noise she hears, the higher the ears rise. She completes this morning workout with a few sharp barks while standing at the top of the deck. Vocal cords have never been so primed to alert a human.

It was all for nothing.

Lola woke up eager this morning. She was ready for the action. Out she sprinted, the bed quickly left in her dust! Legs moving faster than a speeding train, Lola canvassed her backyard. Her ears, highly tuned to the most minuscule patter of animal feet, detected not a single abnormality. Her nose, able to smell a bottle of wine being opened 2 houses over, could not detect anything strange blowing on the wind. As she stood at the top of the deck, her deep growl rang clear through the morning.

The Easter Bunny had not shown up.

Lola can now rest easy, knowing the bunny received her messages of warning. No animal shall grace this humble abode, aside from her adorable brindle body. No other fur ball shall ever receive her Mommybeast’s cuddles. None shall ever get to kiss the Daddybeast’s face at bedtime. No other creature shall appear with teeth sticking out. Lola has plenty of teeth and 2 of them shine clearly even when she closes her mouth. This piece of the world is Lola’s kingdom, and none shall pass.

Small comfort for the Mommybeast who has no chocolate!


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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: