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You know that moment you get a cute little puppy and bring her home? You’re so excited and every single thing they do is adorable? Then they snuggle you and your heart just explodes with love?

That is the moment you must hold on to for dear life. Even though you will grow to love your dog more and more each day, there will come a time when your love will be tested in the most excruciating ways.

Ways that will involve poop.

Lola looking earnestly at the camera, ready to tell you a story. The story reads "This one time, I pooped in the house. That time was 10 minutes ago. Happy hunting!"

Last week was one of the weeks that I held on for dear life. I snuggled the Lola monster with all my worth and praised every single good moment. In between the 50 million good moments, we had some tragic ones. My foot landed in poop. Then more poop. Then even more poop.

Little poop missiles all over the house.

Lola was obviously feeling bitter about something. I started bribing her with toys, love, cheese, and even a piece of Spam. By Thursday my nerves were shattered. Any little speck of dust that was on the floor was treated as a biohazard. My treasured area rug is now my nemesis thanks to its camouflaging abilities. And then, right as I was about to lose it, I see one more piece of poop on the floor.

I approached it with rage in my heart…and it fucking moved.

Yep! It wasn’t a poop, it was a spider! I screamed so loud that Lola went on the attack. She ate the spider. For the record, Lola is terrified of spiders – she prefers to growl at them from the opposite side of the room and wait for me to gain enough courage to kill them. But not this time. This time Lola killed the spider without a moment’s hesitation.

She’s the best!

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much