Hashtags make me want to shank someone. Or should I say #hashtagsmakemewanttoviolentlyshanksomeone?!
If you are a hashtag aficionado, this post may not be the one for you. Or better yet, read it and maybe you’ll see how us non-hashtaggers view you. I cannot believe I just typed the word non-hashtagger. Even more shocking was the fact that my spell check thinks this is correct. I have to go cry over the death of literacy and writing in America.
So hashtags came about from some weird concept that I would want to see every single thing ever posted on the internet just by clicking through a word/phrase of my choosing. Yikes, talk about internet tracking, we’re doing all the work for the government.
I know, I know, I know. It wasn’t intended for tracking by the government per se and you put stuff up on the internet only if you want everyone to see it.
But do we have to annoy the crap out of everyone with the hash tagging?!? I mean seriously, just write a sentence. Get your damn thumbs involved, hit that space bar!!! Using a tablet or smart phone??? Even less of an excuse for not making your finger journey to the forgotten button at the bottom of the keyboard!!!
Do I really need at my fingertips the ability to know everything there is to know about Kim Kardashian’s #bigass or the more politically correct #curvysilhouette? Or what Beyonce’s kid is sporting with her #bluivyshoes? Can I not just read one stupid tabloid article about it and then be done?!?!
NNNNOOOOOO, I must know it ALL.
And what makes it worse? Most of the time the hashtags make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE! I mean, what does #off lead you to…surely the mosquito repellent? You’d be wrong on that! Or what about #pjb2013? Who the hell knows?!! There is absolutely no way to know until you have already clicked it. That’s like typing the word world into Wikipedia and thinking you’ll do some quick reading. Good luck, you’re not getting off that computer for hours!
I think we need to get some Harvard study going about the cost of hashtagging to society. The first aspect of the study could determine how much time each person spends a week trying to read the stupid mash-up of letters, number and symbols.
I’m willing to bet we are open mouth breathing idiots for at least an hour each day. Hashtag that, bitches!
I would LOVE to have more people read my blog, this would be a great thing for the world. Laugh, look over your shoulder more often, enjoy the antics of Lola and try to incorporate the word shank into your daily life. It’s a beautiful idea. But I refuse to spend another moment of my life transcribing these stupid hashtags and I WON’T add them to my blog for more views!
And if you happen to be one of those hash-tagging aficionados we talked about earlier and you feel like spreading my blog, I won’t stop you. May I recommend the tag #Lolawantstoshankhashtagusersforherdearmommy?
I first published this post 4 years ago. I was wrong. I love twitter and it’s my social media of choice at this point. I spend more time creating fun hashtags than I ever thought I would. My only regret is the time I lost while I was digging in my heels and trying to stop technology. But now, I embrace the robot revolution and look forward to my chip upgrade.
Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: