A teal/green owl that says

Last night I thought deep thoughts and almost broke my brain. Those who follow me on social media know by now that I’ve been struggling to sleep for the past few months. I’ve considered visiting my doctor and asking for some sleepy pills, but I don’t love to take medicine (especially ones that might turn me into a zombie, frightening my Lola unnecessarily) and I’m also sure it is entirely my fault that I can’t sleep. I’ve started keeping UK time for half the week in order to capitalize on the blog link ups I participate in. For all you non-bloggers, a link up is a weekly meeting place on the internet and bloggers promote the shit out of one another so we can hopefully get more readers.

It works. Hence the fact that I torture my body and brain 3 days a week, staying awake because London starts linking right at my bedtime. I briefly considered a move back to the East Coast just to give me a much smaller time lag, but Hubster thought that seemed extreme. Such a killjoy.

So, this 3 day a week party binge I go on really messes up the rest of the week in terms of falling asleep and being a normal human being. Deep thoughts start to play in my brain as I lie in bed and wonder what all my UK friends are doing online. Last night, I wondered what kind of fortunes I would write if I owned a fortune cookie company.

'If i wrote fortune cookies: There's a guy with an axe standing behind you!'

You would have to check. You know you’d be terrified if you didn’t.

'If i wrote fortune cookies: Get a cape. Everyone loves the person wearing a cape.

Yes, except the villain. See, now you can easily identify the villains in life when they disdain your cape wearing skills. Helpful little fortune cookie, wasn’t he?!

'If i wrote fortune cookies: Please recycle this scrap of paper.'

This cookie is obviously an asshole. Eat him.

'If i wrote fortune cookies: The person who made this cookie didn't wash their hands... you already ate the cookie, didn't you?!'

For those weirdos who eat the cookie before they read the fortune. You would never do that again!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much


46 replies on “I just made a fortune online…

  1. Haha I love this and I love your commitment to blogging- There is no way I’d stay up extra late to join in a linky!Thanks for staying up though and joining us for #BlogCrush xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You should definitely write the fortunes, those are far better than anything I’ve ever had…last week I got ‘You are a genius’, that was literally it! Made the other half and I laugh though, couldn’t be further from the truth. So please, please start your fortune cookie business, we need you! #ThatFridayLinky

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your fortune cookie fortunes, they are much better than any I’ve seen before. I have stayed up to catch a linky only once. Is it really worth it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is for me. Every so often I test my numbers by linking up whenever I wake up and it’s convenient on my time zone – I always notice a huge drop in engagement and site visits. And I think it’s because once people link up, they don’t go back. So the earlier you are there, the more likely you are to get engagement.


  4. I’ve given up on half the linkys I used to join for that reason. I was always the last one in and it started to become disheartening. I think you may be on to something with these fortunes though. brilliant #thatfridaylinky

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve dropped out of a few linkups that didn’t really get me any engagement. I’m really only interested in participating with the link ups that are about promoting everybody and not just the same people over and over or the host. I also don’t want to link with so many that I can’t share and tweet without feeling like a machine.


  5. This is so funny and incredibly random love your posts, you are very dedicated that’s for sure Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my life, you crack me up!!!! I love these, they’re genius, and totally need to be in fortune cookies!! That’s rubbish that you’re not sleeping though-you should just come and live in the uk then? As a fellow non sleeper, I know how rough crappy sleep is!! I’m pretty sure moving here is the only way. You could be in charge of uk fortune cookie writing, and rolling out Taco Bell to the entire country!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Haha my fave is ‘please recycle this scrap of paper’ too funny! I’ve had a huge break from linkies lately (except this one of course) but starting to get involved again. It’s a great way to get to know other bloggers, which is how I found you 🙂 Thanks so much for linking up to #dreamteam, I love that you’re always our first linker! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love linkys, but there are weeks where I just decide to slow down because I don’t want to overwhelm myself and get burnt out. I have family flying in during the months of June, July, and August so I figure I’ll be taking a week off during each of those months to just refresh.


  8. haha … whilst I really love the humour, maybe you should consider a visit to the dr. I’m sure Lola would be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did actually end up at the doctor and she told me she did not want to give me a prescription until we’ve attempted to regulate my sleeping without it. So I’m trying to avoid caffeine for the last half of each day, I don’t drink coffee everyday but I do love Coke zero and while it is sugar free, it has a ton of caffeine. The sleeping seems to be going a little easier this week with that tweak to my schedule.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. My SIL is an insomniac and I feel for her and you, I hate not being able to sleep, hope you manage to get some long nights soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This is so funny and I love the blog title. You sure are motivated keeping UK time to keep up with linkies! Thanks so much for linking up to #EatSleepBlogRT. Zoe and I have decided that it’s not quite working the way we’d like at the moment, so we’re stepping back to reassess and there won’t be any linky for the foreseeable. I hope you will still tag me in your polls though and I’ll see you around Twitter xx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow you really are dedicated to Linkies. But I don’t want linkies to make you unwell for missing sleep. You can still participate on your timezone, and thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

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