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A teal/green owl that says

Last night I thought deep thoughts and almost broke my brain. Those who follow me on social media know by now that I’ve been struggling to sleep for the past few months. I’ve considered visiting my doctor and asking for some sleepy pills, but I don’t love to take medicine (especially ones that might turn me into a zombie, frightening my Lola unnecessarily) and I’m also sure it is entirely my fault that I can’t sleep. I’ve started keeping UK time for half the week in order to capitalize on the blog link ups I participate in. For all you non-bloggers, a link up is a weekly meeting place on the internet and bloggers promote the shit out of one another so we can hopefully get more readers.

It works. Hence the fact that I torture my body and brain 3 days a week, staying awake because London starts linking right at my bedtime. I briefly considered a move back to the East Coast just to give me a much smaller time lag, but Hubster thought that seemed extreme. Such a killjoy.

So, this 3 day a week party binge I go on really messes up the rest of the week in terms of falling asleep and being a normal human being. Deep thoughts start to play in my brain as I lie in bed and wonder what all my UK friends are doing online. Last night, I wondered what kind of fortunes I would write if I owned a fortune cookie company.

'If i wrote fortune cookies: There's a guy with an axe standing behind you!'

You would have to check. You know you’d be terrified if you didn’t.

'If i wrote fortune cookies: Get a cape. Everyone loves the person wearing a cape.

Yes, except the villain. See, now you can easily identify the villains in life when they disdain your cape wearing skills. Helpful little fortune cookie, wasn’t he?!

'If i wrote fortune cookies: Please recycle this scrap of paper.'

This cookie is obviously an asshole. Eat him.

'If i wrote fortune cookies: The person who made this cookie didn't wash their hands... you already ate the cookie, didn't you?!'

For those weirdos who eat the cookie before they read the fortune. You would never do that again!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeatherΒ andΒ @ShankYouDesigns

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeatherΒ and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much