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Do you think people who are out in public, register the fact that they are out in public? I mean, is it possible that people have been raised as animals and they therefore have no concept of what in public means? Maybe they view being in public as a very large extension of their living room and feel comfortable letting it all hang out.

A few weeks ago I went to watch a movie at the local drive-in movie theater. It’s awesome, fully digital, an amazing throwback to the good old days of my childhood. I had Lola in the backseat, Hubster was the driver, and I was in charge of the tray we would use to hold the food we ordered.

We purchased the tray after an unfortunate popcorn dropping incident that resulted in me near tears as my corn dog followed suit.

We are sitting in the car, ridiculously early since it was opening night for Furious 7, when I spotted a van door open. Being the people watcher that I am, I focused on the scene unfolding in front of me. Hubster was also watching but instead of the hysterical response I was displaying, he had a look of terror in his eyes.

I’m pretty sure Hubster prayed for blindness.

A rather voluptuous young lady steps out of the van and proceeds to walk towards the snack bar. Hubster and I happened to be directly between her and said snack bar. So as the girl walks towards us she reaches her hand, into her bra(!), and pulls her boob up until it almost pops out of her tank top dress.

My mouth drops open. Hubster gasps and winces.

Then the girls reaches, into her bra(!) again, and pulls her other boob up until it almost pops out of her dress.

I start laughing hysterically while Hubster desperately tries to pretend something, anything, is happening someplace else.

And then the pièce de résistance… she puts both hands under her breasts and just heaves them around until they are perfectly situated to her liking.

She didn’t even slow her stride towards the food as she did it.

Now, for those of you who need more information on how woefully in public this girl was, I’ve got that info for you. She was standing in a sea of cars – cars filled with people waiting for a movie. There were families everywhere getting a pre-show they didn’t know they needed. The guy in the car next to me looked like he was about to take up drugs because he was evidently suffering hallucinations without all the other good benefits of being high.

He’s fortunate that marijuana is legal in this state.

At this point the girl is long past me, but I’m watching her in the side mirror – waiting for her to make the trek back to her car as interesting as she made the first. I’m laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face and I keep yelling at the Hubster, “I’m writing this down! This is why Alison bought me a purse notebook! She knew this lady was going to be walking by me in a few days!” 

And now I need to go ponder the implications of my friend being psychic without realizing it.


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