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I cannot believe I am awake right now. What is it, 5am? What the heck is the problem here? Humans wake up, humans take showers, Lola’s continue to sleep. I mean, how hard is it to keep it down in the morning?!

Those humans are so discourteous as they get ready for work.

I wish there were a squirrel here in bed with me. Just one who wouldn’t mind the occasional chase. But just on the bed, I don’t want to have to work too hard.

I wonder if they’re going to feed me today. I want Spam. And cheese. I want cheese flavored Spam. I love Spam. Peanut butter could taste pretty good right now. I love…

Uh oh, something is happening. Something not good.

I better get my I’m going to poop face ready. I wonder what would happen if I just pooped on the bed. I mean, they can’t kill me. If we had a cat I could blame it on that, but we don’t so I need a new chump to blame this on. I wonder if the Daddybeast will believe that the Mommybeast pooped on his side of the bed?

Nah, Daddybeast knows the Mommybeast would walk to the toilet. But maybe the Mommybeast will believe that the Daddybeast pooped on her side of the bed! He’s a dolt, I’m sure I could convince her that he forgot where the potty was.

Where are those stupid humans?!?!?!

I am dying here. I mean seriously, I have tiny legs and a huge ribcage. How the hell do they expect me to get off this high bed all by myself?!? Well, I guess I’m going to poop on the bed.

And this is precisely when I walked in and found Lola with a desperate look on her face. We hustled it outside just in time.


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