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Lola has prepared a stockpile of Twinkie grenades. And she’s threatening to lob them all over the world.

What happened, you ask? Well, she’s on medicine and needed a bath and she feels she was unduly tortured by the two events. Normally she doesn’t protest her bath, she’ll let us put her in the tub and she happily sits and tries to drink all the water as it runs out of the faucet. The theory behind this is that if she drinks all the water as it comes out, the water can’t be used to wet her person. And she can’t be in danger of drowning in the two inches of water the Mommybeast insists on filling the tub in order to soak her paws clean. Sometimes she drinks so much water she vomits and then we have to get another shampoo cycle. All in all, she delights in the bath.

And then there was yesterday…

Lola saw me head into the hallway bathroom, otherwise known as The Room of Doom Where the Lola Waterboarding Occurs. As Lola runs away to hide, the Daddybeast is in hot pursuit and she went down with quite the fight. By the time they made it to The Room of Doom Where the Lola Waterboarding Occurs they were both out of breath and sweating. Lola hits the water and decides, “that’s it, today’s the day”, and proceeds to move back and forth in the tub while I try to wrangle a slippery bulldog.

20 minutes later, the Mommybeast is drenched in water, the Daddybeast has been violently splattered during the shake session, and Lola is ready to lob her body around and knock our feet out from under us during her wild streak around the house. No word on the status of the Twinkie grenades being used.


Lola’s like North Korea, you just sit there with your fingers crossed and hope the dictator doesn’t become angry.

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