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I found my mind wandering the other night while I was watching television. Just as I was getting to the good part where the creatures in my imagination where about to grow wings to fly away, I was yanked back to reality by a British accent and a strangely uttered word.

Herbs.

A teal/green owl that says "things that keep me awake at night"

I’ve used the word herb quite often in my life and I’ve never once pronounced the H at the beginning of it. Just to be sure, I immediately said the word a few times aloud… which led to confusion. I pronounced the H once, though not the other two times. I decided to apply a bit of science to my musings and test the word in several different sentences. Just as I was confident in my ability to pronounce the word properly, the blasted H snuck into one of the sentences.

This letter will haunt my dreams, turning them into nightmares filled with a giant dancing H that mocks me.

So that’s how I lost an hour of my life tonight. A simple word that I’ve never thought twice about saying, somehow morphed into a ninja and made me question how I say all the H words in the English language. I had to break out a dictionary just to check if there were any other problems that could creep into my future nightmares. I found several, though one of them struck fear deep into the core of my soul.

Maybe my name isn’t really Heather.

What if my name is actually eather and I’ve been saying it wrong the entire time. My whole life could be a lie! I bet eather is a millionaire who owns six private islands in the caribbean. eather is also scared of sharks and won’t step foot in the ocean, but the islands are used to house her personal supply of cheese – just in case there’s a shortage in the world.

It sounds like eather might be living a better life than I do!

I’m going to console myself by squishing Lola, who is fortunate enough not to have an H at the beginning of her name. She’ll never have to question her life and everything in it. Lola can continue to happily chew her toys, beg for food, and guilt me into giving her belly rubs for hours each day. eather can keep her private islands filled with cheese, I’ve got a brindle bulldog who makes life worth living.

Though it would be lovely if eather shared that cheese after destroying my life…


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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much