Monday night. The night when fear moves into my heart and my palms start to sweat. Every week, I send Hubster into the cold, dark night, making him risk life and limb so that I don’t have to. Some might brand me a coward, but others would call it self-preservation.
A true survival of the fittest tale.
I know I am not alone. Every week in households across the world, husbands and wives are debating whose turn it is to risk their life so the rest of the family can survive. Ready to battle it out with racoons, bears, feral cats, the dreaded possum – but lurking in the darkest part of night is the most feared creature of all. The velociraptor.
Garbage night is not for the faint of heart.
As Hubster rolls the bins from the backyard to the front of the driveway, I carefully play lookout – any movement in the shadows must be evaluated carefully and quickly. Lola is the ears of the operation. Since I’m deaf and don’t trust my hearing aids in a time of crisis, it’s best for Hubster’s safety to appoint someone else to the task.
Lola is very invested in her Daddybeast’s safety since he feeds her larger portions than I do.
I haven’t spotted any velociraptors in the driveway… yet, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Everyone knows the movie people are very good at predicting the future and I’ve seen Jurassic Park. In order to keep Hubster sharp, sometimes I yell out ‘RUN!’ at the top of my lungs and watch with glee as he races towards the door.
Hubster is fast, I’ll give him that.
Unfortunately, he seems to lack the proper motivation that a true ‘run for his life from a pack of velociraptors’ moment will require. I may need to add some obstacles for him to conquer on his next trip – a few sticks of dynamite and piles of slippery dog poop should do it.
I’ll get his survival rate above 80% by the end of the year.
Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much
Shank You Very Much 
I am curious what a survival rate of 80 per cent looks like: does it mean four-fifths of his body will survive a velociraptor attack?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmmm. I never gave that much thought. I suppose it means he survives with only one limb missing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We have our own version of this gauntlet: when one ventures out to the garbage enclosure in our driveway, one has to keep a sharp eye out, especially after dark, for two frightening menaces: ALLIGATORS & SNAKES! Ahhh the wonders of living in the Low Country!🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
See, there’s monsters everywhere on garbage night!
LikeLike
Our biggest pest is the iforgottotakethebinsout – it causes chaos! #Dreamteam
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have a calendar alert set up on our iPhones so that both of us are reminded the night before.
LikeLike
I suggest you hang out of an upstairs window and throw some lightweight items to properly replicate the threat from above. #dreamteam
LikeLiked by 1 person
That sounds like a great suggestion, Hubster needs to stay sharp!
LikeLike
You make me smile. You also reminded me of my step-daughter waxing lyrical about what i did for her in a school essay and adding “to be fair my dad puts the bins out!” #DreamTeam
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hahahahaha! Love that he got ‘put the bins out’ as his accomplishments.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, love this! I hate putting the garbage and recycling out. Not because I fear for my life, because it is just an awful chore. Enjoy playing your little mind games on Hubster 🙂 #DreamTeam
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s nice to take a mundane chore and make it a survival of the fittest scenario, seems a bit more important that way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh how I also dread the garbage night – and then there’s the recycling and green waste too. I tend to do it more often than hubby because I am clearly more organised and have a better memory! #DreamTeam
LikeLiked by 2 people
I set up a calendar alert on Hubster’s iPhone. So the night before, it tells him which bins need to go out to the street.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Back from #DreamTeam — and still no velociraptors in Ireland — but they might just be ready to attack for all we know!
LikeLiked by 2 people
They’re hiding in a cave somewhere… waiting!
LikeLiked by 1 person
oh very appropriate with Halloween upon us 🙂 #dreamteam
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh the suspenseful task of taking out the garbage. It keeps my heart pounding until the task is done. Lol! #dreamteam
LikeLiked by 2 people
Start sprinting to keep in shape for the eventual dinosaur attack!
LikeLiked by 1 person
After reading this I’m so tempted to liven up the night before bin day by randomly shouting a panicked ‘RUN!’ to my husband from the window, as he puts the bins out. I’m not sure he’d see the funny side, but I’d certainly laugh! #dreamteam
LikeLiked by 2 people
Making yourself laugh is the most important thing in comedy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Do you actually shout ‘run’ that is genius? and as ever you had me laughing #DreamTeam
LikeLiked by 2 people
I did once… he was not amused. But I laughed really hard and that’s all that’s important in marriage.
LikeLike
We live in a block of flats so luckily for us there’s no need to put any bins out! #DreamTeam
LikeLiked by 2 people
That is luck!!!
LikeLike
The word ‘run’ really made me laugh after a tough day! #dreamteam
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s my aim in blogging!
LikeLike
Made me laugh, thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person