Dear Lola,

The house across the street from mine went up for sale. My in-laws remarked on it when they came for dinner, asking if anyone had shown interest in it. I didn’t make much of the conversation until my mother-in-law called and announced they had purchased the house.

My mother-in-law is moving in directly across the street from me.

I have already asked my husband to put our house on the market, and he is actually considering it. While his parents are nice people, they have no social group of their own and have already remarked that we’ll be spending the weekends together and having fun as a family. Currently they live about an hour from us and we see them about twice each month – I cannot handle any more togetherness! What are we going to do Lola? Can I move in with you?

Sincerely,
Nightmare on Main Street 

Advice for humans. They need all the help they can get.

Dear Nightmare on Main Street,

This was a television show in the 90s – I recommend you start to process this major announcement by watching all seasons of Everybody Loves Raymond. The show won’t provide any comfort, but it will give you a glimpse into the horror that your life may soon become. Your in-laws will just pop in without calling!

I hope you wear pants when you’re home alone or someone is going to get a wild surprise.

My next solution sounds a bit extreme, but I think you are in desperate enough straits to give it a try. Spray the exterior of your home with honey and then wait for the swarms of bees to find their way to you. Once the bees have arrived, invite your in-laws over and explain that you’re moving.

I think it is fairly obvious that you will have to get a hotel room prior to spraying the house. No one wants to fight through a swarm of hungry bees just to get away from their in-laws. Though once they’ve lived next to you for a few years, I bet you would actually contemplate a suicide by bees option. That’s why we have to prevent this catastrophe before it occurs! 

Back to the swarm of bees. Your in-laws will argue that a good exterminator will be able to get the job done. They may even start calling people while they stand on your front lawn. You will need to act quickly because if I know anything, it’s that senior citizens seem to have a knack for solving problems with one phone call. Old people collect repairmen like fat kids collects donuts – one is good, so five must be better!

Open the front door and unleash the waterfall onto their feet.

I bet you’re wondering where the waterfall came from. You really need to think quicker on your feet if you’re going to outsmart your in-laws without offending them. The waterfall is a result of you plugging every sink in your home and then turning on all the faucets. Obviously, you’ll have to do this before you spray the honey and attract the millions of bees now swarming the neighborhood. As the water cascades down the front walkway, pay careful attention to your father-in-law. You must not let him get through the door.

He’ll know a plan is afoot when he finds the plugs in all the drains.

Then escort your in-laws back to their car… oh shit. They’re pulling out their cell phones. The repairmen will be to your house within minutes! It’s time for you to play your ace card. Have your children fall to the ground screaming that they are too scared to ever live in the house again. No grandparent would expect you to stay there and traumatize the children.

You’re right, that plan will never work. How can you move to a new house when you will be stuck paying for all the damage to the old one? I didn’t think that through obviously. Luckily, my brain is pretty great and I have another solution.

It involves ghosts and possible psychological damage to your children…

Have you considered that the act of putting your house up for sale will be offensive to your in-laws? You may as well risk offending them by asking them to rescind the offer they’ve made to purchase. The worst thing that can happen is they move into their new home, then don’t speak to you for several months.

That is several months that you can spend walking around in your underwear while the kids are at school!

♥Lola♥

Send Lola your questions in the comments, or by clicking one of my social media links below!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much

 

32 replies on “Dear Lola – Nightmare on main street…”

  1. OMG that’s awful!! There’s almost no winning in this situation. The in-laws will be insulted either way! But perhaps that’s better than your life being taken over and controlled by them. What a conundrum!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Just when I say I have read my favourite psot of yours this one turns up. You are so imaginative. But also I felt just a teeny bit sad for the fact my parents could not longer move in across from us. I miss them and all they brought my way and they were amazing grandparents too. But that’s not the point of your fun post – just sharing as us bloggers will #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. My parents live very near to my nieces and it really works. My sister-in-law gets along very well with them and my parents are very respectful of boundaries. I think that’s the most important thing, living near family is great if the family members can respect boundaries. Purchasing a house across the street from a family member and not telling them until after they had done sale, seems like boundaries would be a very big issue.

      Like

      Reply

  4. I used to live in the same street as my in-laws, that’s how I met my husband 🙂 It’s not all bad, particularly if you need a babysitter at very short notice…I mean how can grandma say no. Plus, it was someone to look after the house while we were away, we didn’t even have to worry about the cats. I don’t know why we moved away…well apart from the fact we had 5 squashed into one bedroom and we really needed somewhere bigger.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. It can definitely be a beneficial solution to a lot of problems. I think the red flag was the fact that the in-laws bought the house without even mentioning it to their family members. Boundaries will be crossed often in that situation.

      Like

      Reply

  11. Love it – that gave me proper belly giggles. I on the other hand would love it if the parents moved closer! Even across the street. Think of all that family time – I think it works if there are unspoken boundaries there that generally don’t get trampled on. #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Boundaries can make all the difference, I’m just not sure people who buy a house without telling their son is a bit unaware of boundaries. Perhaps they didn’t mention it because they knew their son and his wife’s answer would be no.

      Like

      Reply

  12. thats hysterical. After my first divorce my ex wife moved into an apartment directly across the street from where we lived together – full line of sight into each others living rooms. I was out of there as soon as the lease was up! #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. Oh that’s an awkward one. I don’t mind my in-laws but I don’t think I’d want them living across the street. I’d have to keep a tidy house all the time, just in case they popped in. That’s something I really don’t think I’m capable of!! #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. OMG…..I have always said that if my mother-in-law attempted to move to the same town as us that we would have to sell the house and move. This is no joking matter and I am deadly serious! Wow that is a problem of colossal proportions. Yes ask them to rescind the offer because I am guessing that the alternative will lead to chaos, massive arguments and possible divorce!! #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I just couldn’t even imagine buying a home near a relative without bothering to tell them until I did it. That usually means you know the relative is not going to be pleased.

      Like

      Reply

Tell me what you think...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.