Dear Lola,
As my kids head back to school, I find myself longing for the days of learning. I have a wonderful job in a field that I love, but I just feel like going back to school. I would take classes for pleasure, not with the purpose of earning a higher degree or changing jobs. I talked with my husband and he was adamant that I not do it. He thinks it will distract me from family life and lead to my becoming discontent with the career I have. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Learning in Leeds
Dear Learning in Leeds,
Well, I have to say, this seems like the most simplistic problem I’ve been handed yet. Go back to school.
Alright, the solution is never that simple, I know.
You want to attend school and your husband is adamant, your word not mine, that you not do it. Adamant. I can only think of a few reasons a husband would be adamant their wife not do something. One, it would stretch the family finances to uncomfortable lengths. Two, the time needed for the activity is unreasonable, leaving Miniature Humans and adorable four-legged pets to starve. Three, your husband is insecure. One might also call him ‘un mari égoïste.’
That’s French for a selfish husband. I used The Google to make it sophisticated.
I would imagine if finances were the issue, you would have mentioned that. I factored in that you want to learn for fun, which means you wouldn’t prioritize multiple expensive classes in a single semester. I also reasoned that you would not actually allow pets and Mini Humans to starve while you recite poetry and snap your fingers at a coffeehouse. Those people don’t write in for advice, they create monologues on the topic. Which leaves us with a selfish or insecure husband. I cannot answer which he is, only you can do that. Only you know if you met your husband in college and married immediately, leaving him to worry that you could possibly leave him for another college stud – this one a decade younger in years!
If that is his worry, you’ll have a much bigger discussion on your hands.
I’m actually hoping your husband is having a selfish moment. Maybe he’s adamant about you not going to school because it means he will have to pick up the slack while you enjoy an activity. I cannot deduce any other reason for his firm denial – except that he may be jealous because he’s always wanted to take a modern dance class but he thought you would say no.
Now that’s a conversation to have!
♥Lola♥
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Hi Lola,
That was very good advice! The woman clearly needs to figure out what’s going on in her husbands head!! Love you, Martha
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It might be scary in his head, but someone should peek in!
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I think that some people can be scared of change. But he needs to think of what you want too.
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Exactly!
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Why not encourage him to take that modern dance class,. nay insist on it ..and he might let her do her thing! #DreamTeam
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Definitely!
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Hmm…sure sounds like there needs to be at least one more conversation about this to get to the root of her husband’s strong feelings. There are SO MANY ways to get more education that need not be too intrusive.
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Definitely, and to have such a strong opinion against learning seems a bit off – it must be something else bothering him.
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As someone who has never had any ambition to reurn to school post my degree 30 odd years ago I don’t quite get it, but on balance i agree with you Lola!
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I have no desire to return to school either!
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Go for it and learn I say keeps the mind happy X #dreamteam
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Definitely does! I love to use the internet to keep my mind sharp. And books!
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Learning something just for the fun of it idsdefinitely something I’d like to do and really should. So go you Learning in Leeds! #dreamteam
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It’s pnly as you start getting older that you realise just how much fun learning is! #dreamteam
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OOOrrr … he might not want to parent the kids whilst mummy is learning … either way, she should still do it.
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#dreamteam
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I agree!
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Great advice. The husband definitely needs to give more of an explanation.
If it’s finances then maybe there is a cheaper solution. If there’s no real reason, then he’s being a bit of an arsehole.
#DreamTeam
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Arsehole, I need to use that word more often!!
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I say go back to school! I would for sure be asking the husband for a better reason not to than what has been offered… #DreamTeam
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I agree, his dismissal was too poor to accept without further talking!
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Good advice! The only real reason I could think of for not going back to school would be if it was going to be too expensive. If money is not an issue, then taking a course for pleasure can only be a good thing, surely? #dreamteam
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I agree!
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I think he’s either got a unitard hidden in his wardrobe that he’s been longing to wear or perhaps you just beat him to the whole ‘Well, I’m actually a student again, I’m studying just for fun’ thing and now he doesn’t know how to appear interesting at dinner parties? #DreamTeam
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Hahahahaha! Could be!
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Oooh yes! Maybe the husband secretly wanted to par take in a line dancing class – but pipped at the post he’ll have to cancel to ensure miniature humans and furries get to bed on time – if the misses goes back to school that is. Line dancing or taking care of said little people. Which would he choose?! 😉 #DreamTeam x
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Line dancing and cowboy boots!
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I quite like the sound of the cowboy boots 😉
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I think that there is either more to this story than we know or this guy is a fool. An unhappy and unsatisfied partner can lead down some roads he might not be aware of #dreamteam
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Let’s hope he starts talking so they can get to the bottom of this!
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Absolutely go back to school! And in my opinion your husband should be supporting any new activities you wish to pursue that will make you happy. I would definitely not let his negativity stop me so I say go for it. Learning is always good, it helps to keep the cogs turning in our brains. I’ve recently signed up for a six month German language course because I’ve always wanted to learn it. Excellent advice Lola – go forth and learn!! #dreamteam
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German sounds fun!!
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An interesting one! I suspect a serious case of selfish husband… #DreamTeam
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I suspect the same also, Lola is more optimistic that he just wants to dance 😆
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really good advice Lola. My husband’s answer would be ‘do what makes you happy’. Something is not ‘quite right’ somewhere here. I hope you get to the bottom of it. #dreamteam
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I agree, something stinks in Denmark!
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