I may need a ride home…

Disclaimer: I mock the Navy in this blog. It’s okay though, I’ve been in the Navy since I was -9 months old. That’s when my dad and mom did something I never want to think about. And now I’m thinking about it. I need to shank my brain and swirl…

Today Hubster came home from work and decided to regale me with stories about command PT – the forced exercising of people who would rather be sitting on a couch playing video games. Hubster rattles off figures, starting with the number of miles he successfully completed on the bike (which never actually moves forward no matter how hard he pedals). Because I am amazing at the art of multi-tasking, I hear this –

Blah, blah, blah, bake your cookies for 10 minutes, blah, blah, blah.

Hubster tells me the PT leader then began the Joint Stretching Exercises. I wish I could say I made this sound more official than it really is, but the Navy has done that for me. They are obviously very valuable exercises to have been named so regally. These exercises are performed in unison by the entire group of sailors, while one person assures them that they can do it using his most motivational voice. My ability to multi-task comes in handy as I once again hear everything that was said –

Blah, blah, blah, take cookies out of oven when done, blah, blah, blah.

This is the exact moment when my brain shifts into kill mode. I look at Hubster, who seems to be anticipating a warm cookie (and possibly a smiley face sticker) and I deliver the best statement of my married life.

“Now raise the index finger on your dominant hand… and wiggle. Now raise the thumb on your dominant hand… and wiggle. Congratulations, you can now operate the fingers that control a computer mouse and phone. You’re good to go!”

Navy leads the way!!! Hooyah!

Editor’s note – I originally published this six years ago. During a recent stroll through my blog, I found it again. I cannot believe that Hubster hasn’t left me on the side of the road after all these years. I know I would have!

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