It is my dream to one day make the journey to the United Kingdom and explore everything I’ve only seen on television. Since most of what I know has been gleaned from 18th century romance settings and the Sherlock Holmes television series, I thought it was time that I learn the basics of today’s UK society – starting with their simplest love.

Nothing is more important to the British people than tea time.

Except tea cakes. And tea sandwiches. Which may actually be what tea time is. Except what do they call it when they drink tea and have nothing to eat?! Is it tea time, or just a cup of tea? Are the tiny cakes required? Can I have a piece of pie instead? Will they throw me out of the restaurant if I ask for a cold glass of Coke Zero with ice?

Wow. This is why the UK is so polite.

They are one question away from completely losing their shit over ordering a beverage! Since I am now moments away from my own meltdown, I turned to Twitter for answers.
You can make this chart big by clicking here.

Tea infographic with ridiculous data that causes more confusion than it does answers.

As per usual, Twitter caused even more confusion and chaos. 

After my Twitter failings, I decided to turn my attention to creating a flow chart. Something easy to use that I could follow when I sat down to order. Thankfully, I had hundreds of Twitter comments to help me sort it out.
You can make this chart big by clicking here.

A Definitive Chart for Navigating Tea Time in the UK - not actually definitive at all and almost guaranteed to cause confusion and embarrassment.

So easy to use.

I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll visit Italy instead.

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45 replies on “Confusion, chaos, and a British national pastime…”

  1. ‘Simples’, as that Russian Meerkat and our Prime Minister would say! Very glad to see you took the trouble to explain the Devon/Cornish divide over the scone (rhymes with bone). I’m sure wars have been fought over it. I hear Italy’s nice. 😉

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    1. That scone problem almost got me thrown in Twitter jail. People were hot over that poll! But we managed to work together so that the American could understand what to do when she visited certain parts of the country.

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  2. Ooh. Yes we are a nation is tea lovers. I can’t stsrt my day without tea. And in the afternoon, a cup of tea with a sweet snack is perfect. I’m also a fan of high tea! Bet that’ll confuse you more…

    #AnythingGoes

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  10. haha, I’d recommend Ireland – more tea drinking than in the UK & better tea (that’s to go by my colleagues who bring tea bags when going abroad (ahem, me also sometimes) – best was a work trip to a 5 star hotel in Bermuda and the senior execs made for the last shop before the UK airport to buy ‘some proper teabags’ to bring along for breakfast to that fancy hotel… #dreamteam

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  11. Teatime is so confusing for us non-Brits. I am more of a coffee drinker. My mom used to love to go to the high tea served by a nearby restaurant. I think it was mostly for the sweets, though! 🙂

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  12. It’s great when there is such a huge variety of tea to choose from, you can have a different tea at different times with a different kind of sweet or savoury snack! #DreamTeam

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  13. Oh my god, I’m laughing out loud at this flow chart! So I don’t drink tea, but have tea at 9pm and is a main meal (which most people would call dinner, or even supper at that time – but I’m not posh enough for that) Having said that I also say scone to rhyme with cone, and I live in Devon but like my scones the Cornish way! Yep, I’m confused too and I bloody live here. Think you’re definitely better off going to Italy. We’re messed up here! #dreamteam

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  15. You’re chart is fantastic! And don’t get too worried about the whole tea-drinking scenario. It is the staple hot beverage (as is the same in Ireland) but nobody will throw you out of the country for drinking coffee instead. The scones are amazing, especially with jam and cream! So I say do both. If you’re going to make the trip across the Atlantic then you should stop off in the UK, have the tea experience and then make the trip down to Italy to eat lots of gorgeous pasta and pizza. Have the best of both worlds!!! #dreamteam

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  16. Ha! Love your chart. Teatime could be lots of things, but in the Button house it’s usually either – time for a cup of tea (extra treats could be added) or an evening meal. I remember puzzling over this when I was little. Thanks for being a fab #dreamteam host xx

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  19. We are a peculiar nation that is for certain and I am not going to lie you may receive slightly perplexed looks from company if you request a coke with ice at Afternoon Tea. However, champagne is entirely acceptable and to my mind essential. I love Afternoon Tea so if you do make it over the pond I will certainly take you to one!! #DreamTeam

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  20. My dad is from England so I am obviously a huge cup of tea fan! Just black tea, LOVE IT, my Grandmother used to always make us tea when we are little, tea and biscuits every morning, not great for our health I am sure with the bickies involved but we loved it! We still use a lot of British lingo and sometimes friends don’t know what I am talking about haha. I never drank coffee until I went to university and now I LOVE coffee too, but Melbourne has the best coffee due to our very Italian population, so you could visit Melbourne it is one of the worlds most lovably cities (just saying) plus I’m here to show you around YAY! #dreamTeam

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