Dear Lola,

I live in a house full of practical jokers. Every time I walk down a hallway I have to be prepared for something to jump out at me. Eating snacks in my house is fraught with danger – chocolate gets laced with hot sauce and salt is dumped on food for an unsuspecting mouth to find. I am tired of it! It would be nice to walk down a hallway without having to worry about breaking an ankle as I flee for my life. Or better yet, have a snack in peace without needing a gallon of water to wash it down.

Can you give me any advice on how to get my family to take this seriously?

Sincerely,
Practically Out of Patience

Dear Lola

Dear Practically Out of Patience,

I am sensing from the tone of your letter that you have never enjoyed the fine art of payback. A shame really, because it’s a wonderful tool to make even the most seasoned practical joker think twice. I will therefore have to fall back onto my second response for this scenario.

The fine art of revenge.

I know what you’re thinking – payback and revenge are the same thing. You have so much to learn, my innocent human. Payback and revenge are two entirely different concepts. Payback is meeting a challenger on his own turf and doing to him what was done to you as a form of retaliation. Revenge is meeting a challenger on a field of your choosing, and then laying waste to that person in a much more spectacular manner than anything that was done to you.

Revenge tastes like the sweetest dessert ever created, that is then topped with sprinkles.

Because your letter was pretty vague, I’m hesitant to offer up solutions of revenge – it’s unclear how old your Miniature Humans are and therapy can be costly. I’m therefore going to tell you to look deep inside yourself, to the dark center where the evil resides, and then allow your imagination to run wild.

Show no mercy!

♥Lola♥

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17 replies on “Dear Lola – Practically out of patience…”

  3. Great advice, Lola–and sometimes the sweetest revenge is to deprive the culprit of your reaction! If no one notices the prank or just takes it in stride with no reaction, it sort of loses its zing . . .

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  4. Lola, you are wise as always. I also have to remind you that revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until your target has forgotten the prank and is unsuspecting, then look for your opportunity for revenge.

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  9. Ok well you know what POOP (loving the acronym by the way!), I am with Lola on this – Halloween is just around the corner so this couldn’t be happening at a better time. Get yourself to the nearest novelty store and purchase the most gruesome mask you can find. Then sit in the airing cupboard and wait for them to come looking for you. As soon as you hear them approach jump out, roar and scare the absolute wits out of them. HA HA HA! Who’s funny now?!
    P.S. this is just a suggestion and for the record I am a fully functioning human being. Honestly. #GlobalBlogging

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